Wit's End

Thrifting

2012-01-16T17:36:00.002-06:00

Being thrifty, I love it.

I'm all over bargains, clearance shelves and deals. Surprisingly, I'm not a huge collector of coupons but this is because I don't often see coupons for things I honestly need.

Some of my favorite ways to save though are these:

-Making my own laundry soap. It only takes 20 min and a couple of dollars.

-Cloth diapers. I mostly use the Flip brand because I can use the covers several times before washing. I think I have invested about $200 in covers and inserts so far. Most estimates per child for disposable diapers is about $3000. That's a lot of money which I'd rather put towards something else. Yes, I have to wash them (which is pretty inexpensive since I use my homemade non-scented soap). I have enough so I only wash them twice a week. Not bad. Plus my super cool Flip diapers are irresistible colors of fun. Big bonus, they hardly ever leak! Unless you've had a child who was always ruining clothes, you have no idea how awesome this is. Might I add that you can pass them on to the next child? Try that with a disposable. No, don't.

-Consignment Shops. I adore them....but I've also learned to be careful. I only buy clothes that are in like-new condition and that I'm really getting for a great deal...not a "deal" I could easily get at the store with a sale tag. I love finding great brand name items for a few bucks verses a lot of bucks because I know how much better they are made and last longer. The big bonus is not handing out the $30+ for only one item.

-Grocery Shopping. I love cooking and baking! But just because you cook at home, doesn't mean it's automatically cheap. Eating out is expensive and eating at home will be too if you're not careful. Sometimes it doesn't pay to get the off brand - I don't compromise on taste if it feels like a punishment while eating it later. Sometimes buying a cheaper brand on one thing allows you to pay more for that "good" brand of cottage cheese. Buy in bulk only when it makes sense i.e. you actually have the storage for it and you will definitely use it before it goes bad.

Making a meal plan for the week so that you know exactly what you need in groceries will save you tons of time, havoc and repeated trips to the store. P.S. grocery stores can be so different with prices - look around.

Living is expensive but it doesn't have to be near as expensive as they try to make you think. If you're willing to go to a little extra work you can save so much in so many ways.

Focus

2012-01-02T12:15:00.004-06:00

Years ago my dad was going through The Shorter Catechism with us and in answer to the question, "What is chief end of man?" we memorized "Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever." It's only a broad brushstroke of an answer but it is so true. I often find myself asking, "what is my purpose here?" and getting all frustrated and frazzled. If I adjust the question though and ask, "am I glorifying God in this?" it really changes my focus. Realizing that we are to glorify God in ALL things rather than just the really big ones is so vital. In this next year I want to see to it that I do this every day. What a joy to know that as I clean house, make meals, change diapers, constantly cleaning off spit-up and spend time with my little girl and husband I am not only bringing them pleasure at the same time I am glorifying God. Nothing against ministries outside the family - I endeavour to support them as well, but far too often I think the home is not seen as a real and chief place of ministry.

Of Love and Logic

2011-08-02T14:24:00.003-05:00

I realize it's human nature to defend and justify our sins...I am as culpable as anyone, and in so doing, recognize quickly how illogical a practice it is. There really isn't a "good" reason to sin, although we frequently do it in the interest of momentary self-gratification, which can easily mask itself as a good reason in a purely emotional mindset. This explains the commonalty of society's defence of immoral behavior; they have a lot of emotional arguments on their side, which may be effective in a secular realm, but will not survive in God's kingdom.

As a Christian, I see the consequences of sin, whether they are physical, spiritual or psychological, as natural boundaries put in place by God. Whether you believe in God or not, you are still bound by the laws of nature on this earth.

When God says, "Do not commit adultery" the fact that God tells us not to do something should be a pretty compelling reason...but we're fallen and susceptible and drawn to the forbidden, which causes us to sin frequently, even though we know there will be consequences. God is a god of love AND logic and He does not give us mindless commands. God truly wants what is best for us. Adultery is a sin, yes, but it also hurts and destroys our marriages, our children and cripples us spiritually. It destroys our sense of trust in ourselves and other people...the consequences differ from person to person, but are all disagreeable.

Adultery is just one example and is rarely treated as defensible, BUT the facts about it remain true for many sins. Homosexuality is one sin which is commonly condoned and even celebrated, and although it is not my intention to write an enormous post on every possible argument surrrounding this issue, I do want to touch on one aspect. I am fully aware of the temptation to sin and why we commonly indulge, but I do not favor arguments in favor of homosexuality simply because “it's what they want/need” and non-support is framed as unloving, hateful and/or unfair. It has been said that they can't “help” being who they are...it is not a choice they are making.

I recognize that some people legitimately struggle with being attracted to members of the same sex – just as some of us legitimately struggle with alcoholism, lying, or pornography...but indulging these sins does not help or heal us. If you struggle with homosexuality, acting on the temptation to engage in homosexual acts is not going to help you. The temptation is not the sin, but the act. If I support and help you in securing what you desire, I am not displaying love when I know that what you want will hurt you. As I pointed out in the beginning, sin has consequences. God condemns homosexuality (1 Corinthians 6:9) and tells us that they will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Supporting, allowing or encouraging people to engage in homosexuality is hurtful to them, and the negative health effects associated with homosexuality are overwhelming.

-Risky behavior is on the rise among homosexuals
-Promiscuity is almost inevitable, multiplying diseases exponentially
-HPV
-Hepatitis (which increases the risk of liver cancer)
-Gonorrhea, which can cause permanent fertility damage
-Syphilis, which can lead to mental disorders, blindness and death
-HIV/AIDS
-High Incidence of Mental Health Problems among Homosexuals
-Lower Life Expectancy....by 8-20 years! One study concluded that half of the population of gay or bisexual men will not reach their 65th birthday

Let me also add that God loves all of his creation and wants us to be with Him. He doesn't cause us to sin or revel in our doing so. His desire for us is to resist temptation and equips us with knowledge and discernment. However, God also gave us free will – which is often when we find ourselves in trouble.

I know there are many issues we could discuss here, but today I just wanted to point out this one and ask you, even if you remove religion, if it is really logical or loving to endorse such personally devastating behavior?

Desire

2011-06-13T08:53:00.003-05:00

I was unable to keep my eyes open any longer last night so I finished the last ten pages of That Hideous Strength this morning before getting up. What a delicious book. I can't believe I waited to read the final book in the trilogy 6 years after the first two.

The book awakened in my soul a longing for Heaven. The dreams of childhood fantasy. A wild desire for my own child to read, love, and appreciate the stories which open another world of thought, living, adventure and understanding. A world where good and evil are clearly seen and dealt with. A world of betrayal and courage. A world which appeals to our innate sense of kindness, duty and chivalry. But most importantly, stories which direct, cultivate and prepare us for life everlasting.

I will never forget the impact At the Back of the North Wind (by George MacDonald), The Chronicles of Narnia (C.S. Lewis), Lilith (MacDonald), Adventures is Wonderland (Lewis Carroll), The Phantom Tollbooth (Norton Juster), The Princess and the Goblin (MacDonald), A Christmas Carol (Dickens), Just So Stories (Kipling), The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson-Burnett), The Hobbit (Tolkien), Egyptian and Greek myth and others had on me.

Children think in images and as a parent we can supply what those images will be - whether it's the world of television and computer games or books and games which inspire the imagination to cleave to and grow. Not that any film or television will immediately doom your child to a murky swamp and insipid lack of creativity, but alone, I don't believe it can have the same or as good an effect as hearing stories from their parents or reading themselves.

Though I blush to think of them now, I filled much of my childhood by attempting to write my own stories filled with secret vaults and doors, good people and bad people, just and unjust. Often I had a little brother or sister as audience with the promise that they would take their nap if I told them one more story.

In the meantime, I desire never to grow too old for these stories myself and to fill my bookshelf at toddler level with all of them.

Growing Pains

2011-06-08T11:02:00.002-05:00

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You." Isaiah 26:3

It is amazing to me how much the child growing inside has taught and tested me physically and spiritually. It has been a frustrating process to learn that pregnancy exhaustion is like no other and when body and baby demand rest it is near impossible to fight it. One of the hardest things to accept is my complete inability to accomplish a fourth of the things I would like to. It makes me feel lazy, useless, and petty. John has been absolutely incredible in regards to this - never chafing me for what I do not accomplish and understanding the fact that I am sick and tired far better than I.

Mr Drysdale, John's nickname for baby, has taken a recent delight in making me starving and light-headed and demanding nutrition to a feeling of either throwing up or passing out when I do eat. In the meantime constant punches, kicks, and somersaults ensue. I love feeling him move, but the rate at which he keeps it up is amazing. It's probably a warning that he or she is going to be crawling at 3 months and walking by 9 or 10.

With pregnancy also comes a bodily reaction of loose joints....I think I've gotten my full measure.

It is:
-why I dropped my father-in-law's fishing pole into the lake.
-why the olive oil jar shattered on the floor of the grocery store
-why my kitchen floor was splattered in yogurt
-why coffee granules went everywhere but in the filter (times 3)
-why it is treacherous to eat without a bib

Then there is this realization that I do in fact have hormones and am capable of reacting to fatigue in the most extreme and ridiculous girly ways. It was one of those things I swore would not interfere with my life.

Hitting the 3rd trimester over the weekend and Mr Drysdale deciding to go on another growing spurt made me even more aware of how it's suddenly a little harder to bend over, or move quickly, or roll over. Occasionally, the idea of removing your stomach for just a few hours so you can move around properly, sounds rather tempting.

But through all of these many and extreme life changes, I remember who gives me strength and purpose in this world. Right now that purpose seems to mostly be growing this baby and remembering to listen to the whispers of the Holy Spirit.

"God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing." -C.S.L.

In Defense of Men

2011-05-04T09:15:00.000-05:00

We women have been on the rampage for our rights in this country for well over a century now. 163 years to be exact since we demanded and attained our right to be treated equally with men. In the name of Equality we accomplished a lot to prove our individuality and ability. Already 118 years since the women of Colorado became the first in the nation to vote legally.

I enjoy the right to vote as much as anyone but I'm afraid the movement lost its motivation to gain equality long ago. We are no longer proving we're "equal to men" but have veered dangerously off that course to an ideal greater than that.

As a Christian, I have never doubted my "equality to men". Why should I? God created us equally, yes, but that has nothing to do with the roles of men and women. How ridiculous and impossible it is for men and women to try and be the same. It can't and won't work. I no longer see women trying to attain equality with men, no, they want to be above men, and worst of all, above any and all authority.

We're so consumed with this goal that somehow it makes perfect sense that we should have control over everything that touches our lives....especially when it comes to pregnancy. It's our body, end of argument. We have a right to do what we wish in this area as well. No matter that the child growing inside us could not and would not be there if half of the chromosomes which formed her were not from a man.

My question is this, why do women have unlimited rights? Why and how does she have total say over how this child will affect its father?

I am a woman and I am pregnant. Legally I have 3 options.

1.) Parent the baby. In which occurrence I can force, if need be, the father to pay child support. In this case, he will legally be recognized as the father and has parental rights.

2.) Make an adoption plan. In which case, under ND law all effort must be made to contact the father and he has every right to either give or deny permission for an adoption. Parental rights totally recognized.

3.) Abort the baby. In which case, not being a minor, I need absolutely nobody's permission. I don't even have to tell its father. He has, to be precise, no parental rights.

Why is it harder to make an adoption plan, where my child could be received and loved by a family, than to kill it? Why am I the sole arbiter of life or death of another human being? And who says when this time of being an arbitrator should end? If I kill my child in utero, I am simply doing what was best for me and my life. If I kill my child when she is 3 months or 3 years, I am a murderer and will be sentenced even if I have the exact same reasoning for my actions in both cases.

It appears that women have replaced God and His authority with themselves. We no longer recognize life as a gift and something to nurture and treasure, but as something we may give or take at will. We need to step down and realize what we have done to ourselves and our men, but most importantly, how we have put God in a box so we can attempt to live our lives free of consequence.

Men need to be just that and take initiative. They were created to take care of and defend women. Not because women are helpless but because women have a different role to fulfill. When we strip men of their ability to protect (yes, this includes their child in utero) a whole slough of problems begin to ferment.

I am frustrated with laws that are inconsistent. Laws which recognize a father in every instance except when it comes to the option of death.

2011-04-27T20:18:00.002-05:00

The other day a friend asked me what made me passionate about pro-life. I found the question startling because I'd been muddling about the same thing of late. I was intrigued enough to pose the same question to my mom and husband to see if they had a cut and dry answer....for all of us it seems it was not one experience but a culmination of discussions and realizations which led us to recognize what happens when we accept abortion as a reasonable "answer" to the world's problems. The problems which are culture is experiencing begin long before a girl finds out she pregnant. Unwanted pregnancies are not the problem, the conundrum is how we got there and why we're dealing with the question.

The following is a gist of how I answered my friend:

"It's so funny that you asked about why I am pro-life because I've been thinking about it myself a lot lately. It surprises me in some ways that I am as passionate about it as I am because I have never had any personal experience with it nor did I know anyone who had had an abortion before I got involved.

Part of it is my impulsive nature. When I do something, I'm either involved 100% or not at all. When I did TKD I went religiously every week and did not become involved in other things so that I could concentrate fully on it. I have always been "pro-life" in a certain sense I guess, morally I would have always argued for life.

In 2009 when I went to a camp and actually learned something about the topic and also how I could become involved; I threw myself on top of the opportunity. I felt fulfilled in a certain sense, like I'd been looking to do something of this nature for a long time but didn't know how to find it. God just opened one door after another.

I'm not an angry pro-lifer but what angered me was the injustice of abortion, the amount of lies which are told regarding it, and how many people are hurt because of it. Everything about abortion is so anti-American and to know it happens every single day in this country really troubled me. I honestly believe that most people who side with abortion are not doing so because they are horrible people who like to kill babies but because they really do not understand what abortion involves nor the consequences that surround it from society and families but especially how it affects women.

I believe that how one views the issue of life shapes their view on how they perceive everything else. When I saw how rock-solid John was about being Pro-life and how it affected all of his thinking...well...it kinda made me fall in love with him quite hopelessly."

So yes, I am passionate about being pro-life and I am willing to do what I am able to bring an end to abortion and educate others on why it matters. Quite simply it is a matter of Life or Death. Not just the life and death of precious human life, but of our culture, society and our nation.

Confessions of a Catastrophic Cook

2011-01-06T19:43:00.002-06:00

I have loved cooking since as long as I can remember. Not just cooking but everything: planning, thinking of, and modifying recipes, thinking up entire meal weeks, and baking as well. For the past year or two my own diet forced me to exclude gluten and dairy but I have continued to love cooking for the people I love. I depend a lot on my nose and hope between that and my brain I don't end up too off when it comes to taste for many things.

When I have an inkling to make something it won't leave my head until I do. So this afternoon while working at the shop with John I began to wonder what to make for dinner. Home-made pizza like my mama makes immediately seized my brain and I simply knew I had to make that for dinner or John would have to go hungry because I didn't feel I could make anything else.

I have never made pizza entirely by myself - that is one meal my mom has always made herself every Saturday night. On my drive home I began to wonder how I was going to get past the first obstacle, Mum has always had her bread machine mix and rise her pizza dough. I don't have a bread machine. Hum. I called up home and my dad solved the problem and said I should just attempt to put it together by hand like "grandma's rolls".

I did just that, the dough felt really good even though I dared to half the recipe which isn't always the smartest thing to do when dealing with bread. I had the pizza stone in the oven but, alas, no cornmeal. Cornmeal is used on the stone so the pizza slides on and off easily. Another call to mum and we finally decided yeast might work. I decided it didn't have a choice.

Next, I realized I didn't have a pizza paddle to first make the pizza on and then transfer to the oven. Oh well. An upside-down cookie sheet would have to do.

Assembled, my first pizza did look rather dashing. Sauce, mushrooms, mozzarella, colby, pepperoni, parmesan. My heart twitched as I thought about transferring it to the oven. I began to lift it with a spatula but it ended with a heart-wrenching job of gradually pushing and pulling it off and messing up the whole top. Feeling like tears for no good reason I fixed it up as much as possible hating that I had started the project.

Ugh. Why do I get these stupid ideas in my head?

When John walked in I explained, "Well, I made you pizza for dinner but you can laugh at it when comes out because it looks horrible."

A minute later I pulled it out. John breathed, "Mmm, that looks great."

I examined and disagreed.

But

He said it tasted good, really good. He didn't even let it cool down but burned his mouth several times just because he wanted to eat it so much. He continued eating until half of it was gone. I kinda like my overly appreciative husband.

I prefer to have things look and taste good....but when you only have one option, I guess taste is better than look.

Nevertheless

No more pizza until I have a pizza board and cornmeal.

Stand up. Speak out.

2010-11-17T15:55:00.006-06:00

Taking classes from a secular college with some extremely secularly-minded teachers has led me to some interesting conversations, at many times frustrated me to distraction, and more often spurred me to say and write my opinion and beliefs in my assignments. It's led me to find creative ways to find out how to make them a necessary part my of speech or paper and the fact that my teacher must read it is always fun. I don't mean it in a bad way and I don't do it without purpose. But after sitting day after day in class being stuffed with not information, but crappy opinion, my piston occasionally busts.

Martin Luther King Jr. once said, "Our lives begin to end on the day that we become silent about things that matter.” I believe that this is true. But I also know how very easy it is to be smothered by secularism. To think that your voice doesn't matter. It really is so easy to go to class, take a few notes, and like a machine, produce information and papers made up of your teacher's opinions or the social norm. But in this, you will become a puppet, void of life.

As Christians we are commanded to live out our faith. I'm not saying the solution is always speaking aloud. Sometimes it's an action - a demonstration or prayer. It certainly is not always something in our comfort zone. But if we refuse to stand up for what we believe, for truth, for justice....as Mr King stated...our lives begin to end.

I have this English teacher who is obsessed with feminism. Give her any story and she will point out the most obsolete sentence as an indication that the male in the story is a raving or creeping misogynist. It gets old. I would like to say, "No matter how much you stomp on that overflowing garbage - no more will fit, lady." I have challenged a lot of her opinions in class especially when they seem to drift entirely off the story's course. We rarely come to an agreement.

My speech teacher, who would actually be a perfect definition for my English teacher of a misogynist, grates on me in an entirely different manner. But Monday's class was something different - I was actually incensed with anger.

My speech teacher was sorting out different kinds of speech outlines we can use and told two stories which I found absolutely false. The first story was about bible-boy and non-bible-boy and his summing point was that the bible says ALL killing is wrong. He was basing his claim off of the 10 Commandments and God commanding us not to murder - God ordered his chosen people to "kill" numerous times throughout scripture. The speech teacher also has a hard time with absolutes, like, one concept being right and one concept being wrong. He usually finds a way for them both to be right. Stupid. Then Mr Speech Teacher went into a story about Doctor Kevorkian and pitying the fact that he was imprisoned merely for helping terminal patients to die a noble death. Now, this is completely inaccurate information. Doctor Kevorkian is a creep who was dubbed "Dr. Death" because he didn't "help" terminally ill patients but people who were very much alive. In need of psychological help? Most assuredly. About to die? Certainly not from natural causes.

So as I sat in the front of class watching these words spill out from Mr Speech Teacher's mouth I felt a feeling of such absolute anger sweep over me. I told myself, I am not hearing what I think I am hearing. I turned around, which is rather awkward to stare at everyone else in the room for no apparent reason, to see what effect this information was doing to them. No one raised a hand. No one said anything. I was flabbergasted. I felt I had to say something to refute. I found myself speechless...and feeling very hot and red all over. Class was instantly dismissed. I felt like a description from a book.

For the next two hours, every time I thought about that class, I flushed again. I knew I had to say something.

Today I had my moment. I went to class and frantically tried to think and pray about how to really approach this. God placed the opportunity right in my hand. My teacher actually mentioned the bible-boy/non-bible-boy story and so I raised my hand..."actually," I said a bit shyly, "the bible isn't actually..." and I simply pointed out the error. Mr Teacher brushed it off that it wasn't material to his point. Oh well. At least the earth didn't open up and swallow me for saying so. Then he brought up the other story - Again, I raised and said, "Um, well, I have something to say about this one too." Mr Teacher sighed and allowed me to go on. I pointed out a brief fact about Doctor Kevorkian - the class chuckled - we had a short disagreement and Mr Teacher ended with, "well I supposed we could check the facts later." Like facts don't matter or something. Weird.

Stand up for what you believe. Sometimes it may not feel like you're making a difference but you never know whose heart or mind you might impress. Do I always speak up when I should? Definitely not. But each time you do so, it will become easier. Speaking in public terrifies me. I build it up in my head. With my imagination, you'd think we have persecution and executions occurring for speaking up. We don't. You can do it.

What Gets Me

2010-10-20T10:03:00.003-05:00

I am sick of seeing softly pink-hued garbage bags, coffee mugs, stickers, shirts, flags, hats, backpacks, gloves, scarves, picture frames and pencils. I know who makes them, and I know they promote a lie. My problem is Susan G. Komen and her foundation built on exploitation. I do not lack compassion or concern for breast cancer patients. My complaint is not with them. My complaint is with Susan G. Komen and many doctors and industries obtaining money and making it look like they really care enough to help people. They have a huge audience because...breast cancer is the leading cancer in women, and also because breast cancer is the leading cancer in women. What I mean by that is, yes, it has a audience just because of the sheer number of breast cancer patients but also simply BECAUSE it is women suffering. It seems to be one of those untouchable topics, especially for men, and is a campaign endorsed by the feminists.

Susan G Komen's slogan is, Race for the Cure. Really? I guess maybe that's true. She is trying to find a cure...A cure that gets around the enormous link abortion and contraceptives have to breast cancer. Have you ever wondered why in the world suddenly everyone knows someone who has had breast cancer? Why did this epidemic emerge from seemingly no where? Well...believe it or not it has risen with the increase in abortion and the use of contraceptives especially before the first child.

I refuse to give to an organization which promotes killing the innocent. Between 2003 – 2008 Susan G. Komen gave over $3 million to Planned Parenthood, the leading provider of abortion in the United States. Does it really make any sense to give money to an organization who will in turn give it to another that not only ends the life of millions of babies, but in doing so is raising the risk of the very thing we are trying to prevent? SGK is all about preventatives and being aware...why don't they prevent abortion? Why don't they tell women about the effects abortion will have and how much higher their risks of breast cancer will be as result?

The truth is, they have an agenda. They really want to provide a way for people to live exactly as they wish without consequence. But this utopia cannot be formed. It breaks all that God has set in order for us. Since the beginning of time sin has been punished. Lucifer sinned and fell from heaven. Eve was deceived as well as Adam and the gate to the beautiful garden was forever fastened. The consequences of sin are for our betterment – and in the end, it is for God's plan and design for us and His glory. God created us the way we are for a reason and when we act against that design we destroy ourselves.

Countless companies are helping sponsor SGK - so before you give your money to them, please consider whose till it will really end up in.

http://www.wnd.com/index.php?pageId=134729

http://www.abortionbreastcancer.com/

http://www.bdfund.org/breastcancer.asp

http://ww5.komen.org/ResearchGrants/CommunitybasedGrants.html

2010-09-02T11:04:00.001-05:00

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.

Life is a beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realise it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is costly, care for it.
Life is wealth, keep it.
Life is love, enjoy it.
Life is mystery, know it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it!

-Mother Teresa

From the Peanut Gallery

2010-09-01T10:46:00.003-05:00

Talitha (4): I'm fat

Esther (7): No you're not!

T (offended): Yes I am!

E: You're as skinny as a bell

T: I'm fat!

E: Not-ah. Your bones ache out

Mom: Jut out!

Drat That Tomato.

2010-07-03T22:35:00.002-05:00

Drat that tomato. You know, the one I joked about in the beginning…only it was supposed to happen to you, not me. Remember earlier when the wedding party was just arriving and we were traying up the salads with those adorable cherry tomatoes that like to roll their chubby selves all around? Yes, I was being my typical contained self and warning you that if one went rolling you were not to dash after the tomato but keep at the real job of passing out salads. You snapped back that you were well aware on the how to’s of waitressing…I laughed. You laughed.

The head table went great…everything to the right person, no spilling someone’s glass like at the last one. Whew. Being a natural klutz and loving waitressing do not always blend well, especially when it is necessary. Serving 250 people demands a lot…most especially making sure you don’t fall into robot mode but keep a person air of interacting and smiling at all those happy people as you remember a zillion requests and comments.

So there was Lydia, trying her darnedest to do just that. She was stacking salad plates together and having them handed to her from all directions and half of them had those chubby red tomatoes still on them because certain people prefer to watch them roll around their plate, I guess. Why else would you not eat your tomato? For your information, plates don’t happen to stack very neatly when chubby red tomatoes are rolling around on them…so I shifted and squeezed them a bit to ease the perilous situation…squeezed them a little too hard considering they had leftover dressing on them (I love leftovers, especially leftover tomatoes) and fifteen slippery plates shot into the air showering me with Ranch, French and Thousand Island, paralyzing two lovely young girls in white background dresses, and sending me to my knees with a red face…very much like those chubby red tomatoes…wishing I could roll right out of there.

Shaken by this traumatic turn of events I made it disappear as fast as possible receiving several worried cold glasses from the wearers of the lovely white background dresses. Life went on. Carefully I came back to the traumatized table and began clearing their plates, they gave more uneasy glances. I had another stack by the time I was finished and was so uptight the entire stack dared to slip away…the mother of the wearers of those white background dresses, shielded her face and as I hurried away she gasped, “Oh that girl nearly did it again!”. That girl…shot into the back room with water pitchers and in her nervous state of trying to make the world all right drenched her shoes and pant legs while dropping a pitcher. She scowled…cringed…and carried on. Carried on with excellent service, snappy retorts, and a smile of service which forgot all errors.

That Lewis and his profundities...

2010-05-14T12:01:00.002-05:00

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one... Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."

C.S. Lewis

2010-04-02T00:10:00.004-05:00

I sure hope God has a sense of humor. I mean, it's pretty obvious he has a sense of humor - Look at the platypus - clearly a hodgepodge. And the pig with its curly little tail ridiculously out of proportion to its body...and look at man. But if we are laughable it is more because of brains than our bodies.

We, the creation - creation not creator - always trying to haggle deals with God. Convincing ourselves God doesn't see all things and know all things. We are like the thief who is sure he'll get away with his stealing though for umpteen years -thieves are repeatedly caught - but unlike the thief there is no chance we will get off scot-free.

Why do we choose to pretend we can set the rules or that we are least equals with God? Creator - Creation, King - Servant, Master - Pupil...is it because we feel uncomfortable? We should feel a little unnerved! We ought to remember Nebuchadnezzar and his time spent in the fields. I think too often we want to make God our buddy-friend. God is not our buddy and we are not equal to him. This does not mean God is distant and angry, rather, if we maintain a biblical perspective then repeatedly we see God as a father: loving, protecting, guiding, and correcting his wayward children. Whatever example we look at in the bible whether it be Abraham, Moses, David, Paul or any of the disciples, they were who they were because they reverenced God, and because they humbled themselves before Him. And though in the New Testament Christ laid down new commandments never is this concept swayed.

On bended knee we bow before Christ the King, our Maker and Redeemer.

On bended knee we plead of him Mercy and Forgiveness.

That we may rise, Forgiven, Humbled, and Freed.

Passing Through.

2010-03-30T13:14:00.004-05:00

Clouds are capable of giving one a pretty odd sensation. I am quite sure that the individual who decided Angels sat on them did not live near elevation, fog, and had never flown.

In addition, the person who came up with that notion was hopelessly off his rocker, for the idea is inanely absurd. Where on earth (literally) did the assumption that angels are silly, charming, and stupid come from anyway? I'm pretty sure I'd be terrified of an Angel making himself known to me.

Clouds. Utterly obscure, constantly changing - more than a woman, fickle though she be.

When above them: elation, peace, wonder. The sun burns brightly on the white sea as it fleets mindless yonder. In this world of in between, this land of space with the only visible things being sun and depth of cloud, I think of Ransom being carried to Venus in Perelandra. But I lack my coffin of transportation, my mission from Oyarsa, and Professor Weston to defeat. This abyss holds an odd sense of security.

Sinking through them, surrounded, wondering what is East and West, momentarily holding oxygen flow until the claustrophobic atmosphere evaporates and reveals the interesting palate of objects and colors. The magic whispers my name but it is only in teasing mockery for it is gone, gone, gone. It is ungraspable.

The biosphere comes into focus, blotches become roof tops, seas of fluctuating green - lusty trees, and those shiny moving specks merely modes of transportation.

I liked the passing silvery ocean.

I was drawn to the obscure in between -

But the current view, yes, is where I belong, for the time being.

Musing.

2010-02-04T15:14:00.004-06:00

Johann Bach once said something like, "music is simply hitting the right note at the right time." This is basic and true - but the act isn't or we would all be musicians. Life is like music. It can be beautiful, intricate, peaceful, resonate and bounding. It requires hitting the right note at the right time. Music demands patience of her pupils. It is arduous and difficult and she always wants your very best. So God demands our best. It is not simple, but as we look at the composers and martyrs from ages past we desire it and know it is worth it.

Practice makes perfect. In frustration we may bang the keys and their unwillingness to cope with taut fingers and strained mind. We must learn to not strive for perfection but excellence. Carry on through clashing chords and screeching strings and listen for the beat and rhythm of life.

Even great composers did not always find composing simple...the masses of notes spread hither and thither look like childish ugly ink patterns…until they are arranged by their creator. We all blunder in life but we must not let these imperfections stop us from being the scattered notes composing the harmony and melody of Christ’s kingdom

Truth is Simple. In an exquisite fashion.

2010-01-18T20:19:00.003-06:00

"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired." -Mother Theresa

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art...It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that gives value to survival." -Jack Lewis

"It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness." -Leo Tolstoy

"A great point is gained when we have learned not to struggle against the circumstances God has appointed for us." -H.L. Sidney Lear

On Culture:

2010-01-14T15:18:00.002-06:00

"Also contributing mightily to the growing acceptance of Euthanasia is a form of pervasive cultural decay that I call ' "terminal nonjudgmentalism" ' (TNJ). Our society has become so steeped in relativism, so unable to distinguish right from wrong, that is increasingly fails to react to or criticize truly reprehensible concepts or conduct. When destructive ideas and practices are not condemned, it is effectively a form of praise. That which is not seen as wrong must be right. As the winds of the death culture blow with increasing velocity, the vitality of the equality-of-life ethic withers."

Wesley J Smith, Forced Exit.

Sight. Hearing. Touch. Smell. Taste.

2010-01-12T12:57:00.003-06:00

I believe that covers the traditional five senses.

I was thinking today just how incredible each one is. How often I forget the wonder of even one. And how happy and grateful I am that Chance and the phenomenal Big Bang worked together to collaborate them. >>>>>>>Okay. That sounds absolutely ridiculous. God is an amazing creator.

In particular, I am so thankful for the sense of Smell. I think my nose is becoming more refined in it's ability to smell. I use it so much more of late! I have fallen into a dreadful habit of grudging the fact that I can't eat so many things. Actually that's not even it. Even stuff I can eat that shouldn't technically bother me, does.

I decided I'm going to revel more in the beauty of smell. Because really, although when we eat we use the sense of Touch (texture) and also Taste and Sight, these become almost nothing if there is no Smell. I suppose this is why I don't mind at all cooking things I can't eat. Smell spikes the imagination to grand heights ingraining itself in the memory. Which is why some people associate certain smells with poignant memories and places.

Begin Breathing in the world around you.

Life would be so bland without smell. Not only would the pleasure of eating be diminished but literally everything else with it. When I think smell, I think: Walks, Spring, Fall, Haying, Tae Kwon Do, Plants, Rivers, Books, Gardens, Grandma's house, Clothes, Paper, Ironing, Old Buildings, Food...it goes on and on.

Breathe yes, but inhale the savory, the twitchy, and the pungent with it.

Wallow in this beauty of Life.

Quirky.

2010-01-03T16:03:00.003-06:00

I don't know about you, but I have always been taught that I ought to respect old people. And although some old people make themselves a bit dis-likable there aren't usually very many reasons to disrespect them.

In general I have a keen desire to get to know the elderly and do my best to be courteous and conversational with them. I will also admit that sometimes my expectations of people are too great but in general I adjust to the fact that, they are indeed human, alright-ly. But it still knocked me a little breathless yesterday when I was chatting with Ruth & Jerry.

They are an elderly couple that comes every single day to Fry'n Pan for coffee. They are always discussing politics and seem to be most often on the conservative end of things. Don't ask me how but somehow she mentioned the death of her first husband which triggered my question of, "So, how long have you and Jerry been married?"

For which she began to explain that they weren't. I imagine some of my shock must have showed on my face. Of which I am not ashamed. It was an honest response. Jerry was sitting reading the paper with a rueful brow right across from her. Behind me I had a feeling all ears were stretched in my direction. The ears being all my co-workers and Tammy, an assistant manger.

Ruth turned determined upon me and demanded, "What? What is your little brain thinking?"

"It's thinking it doesn't quite agree with you." I replied trying to pull myself together and feeling like the people behind me might explode. Ruth raised her brows at me and Jerry sank even deeper into his paper. "That isn't how God intended us to be. I think it's wrong."

Ruth settled herself and began explaining that in general she would agree with me and saw my point of view. Jerry had proposed to her and they would have gotten married but they found out that taxes would change and it would be expensive. If she had been in child-bearing years...there would have been no question about marriage. She would never do that to her child and didn't like the idea of a child out of wedlock. But how it stood it was definitely easier...

It was about at this point that Tammy shouted, "Lydia!" and I quickly excused myself. I had food up to take out but I knew she did it for a deeper reason as well. She was a nervous wreck about getting into an argument with a customer. And probably strongly disagreed that I should discuss anything of that kind in a work-environment.

Tammy said something to me about, "yes, Ruth could be that way and not to bother about it."

"I don't mind, really, Tammy. We weren't fighting..and neither of us minded that we disagreed. It's okay."

I went over to her again to insure that she was alright. Explaining that she had in fact asked me and she replied that she appreciated my honest answer but her situation was just different.

::sigh:: I'm so sad that she doesn't see it as that big of deal. Especially when the reason was monetary.

It was so crushing having an old couple do this. Of all people, they have the most experience and you expect so much more. It is deplorable what state our present generation is in...but really...this is what we have for an example?

There are so many instances in the bible where the elders teach the young. What happened? Do we see this today? Did they give up? It felt so odd telling people at least 3 times my age how they ought to behave.

I pray not. We need to bring back respect and with it the biblical concept of teaching and learning.

Serendipitous

2009-12-16T20:14:00.002-06:00

What a stupendous morning. Call me romantic but it was one of those days where you notice that you breathe and are filled with Joy. The sky is brilliant and everything is possible. Trouble does not fade away--but it is laughable. The importance of living surpasses all petty problems. You glory in Creation and just the crazy beauty of life.

These days make me feel invincible and not exactly human. It is when these rushes of life come over me that I do incredibly silly things that seem absolutely sound and sensible in the moment.

It was in such a moment that I stood out in the yard a while back and was griped with the assurity that I was fully capable of doing a front flip in the air and coming back down on my feet.

A rather awkward explanation soon followed as to why I could hardly walk and was coated with dewy grass clippings.

It is this feeling that makes one far too confident - and all day you drop and spill things, yet, everything is still beautiful.

Rejoice and revel in God's glorious creation! For He is the greatest of all Artists and deserves Praise.

Joy.

2009-12-14T23:48:00.001-06:00

2009-12-09T15:42:00.004-06:00

My darling little sister is 4 years old today.

I can't believe it.

Yesterday she began crying because I wouldn't be at home to celebrate it with her. Not for any selfish reason she just felt terrible that I had to work all day. I remember crying on this very day 4 years ago when she was born. ::laughs:: I was such a little twerp back then. It wasn't any gentle cry either...::sigh::...I was an absolute emotional wreck and I sobbed and physically shook for hours. Why? because my mom was in labor with her for days in the middle of a state-wide ice storm. I had been up for nearly two days when she did arrive and the shock of wonder at being able to see her come into the world was just a little too much on me.

I love you Talitha. Quit growing up so fast!

Tolle Lege

2009-12-01T12:34:00.003-06:00

Take and read. Okay, so Saint Augustine wasn't talking about picking up a novel with those words but rather the greatest history book of all time. But The Picture of Dorian Gray is a wonderful book for Christians to read. It shows the utter depravity of man. The book is so anti-God that I was continually laughing with sheer incredibility. It is such a hopeless book but throughout I was sure Dorian was going to change: unfortunately he did...he grew worse. It is also a reflection of Oscar Wilde's own life. Such a tragedy.

Just finished this lovely novel today. Am I missing a few marbles? I'm feeling convinced. It's an amazing health book though, loaned by a friend. Am I about to go hopelessly health loopy? I'm afraid you're going to think so. But it's not a crazy health book. It's wonderfully logical and makes so much sense. The Author, Natasha Cambell-McBride, is a very reasonable writer. And with what I've already tried to cure my health problems...I feel I'm headed in the right direction.

A comedy.

I have not read a lot of Shakespeare but the more I do the more I appreciate him. I use to refuse to read him. Yes, call me a snob. It doesn't take much to be one. But I knew someone who was obsessive about him years ago and had the wrong mental picture of what his writing was really like. I laughed through this whole book.

My sister, Havilah, discovered this book first. I'm not yet finished with it. But everyone should read it. I love it. He talks about birth order and why you are the way you are. He's not a stickler and understands there are variables. Whether you are a first born, middle child, or baby...you'll tend to do certain things but parents, beliefs, and the way you're raised can make some definite changes. Plus, Dr. Leman is a Christian and an awesome, creative, and fun writer.

I think it's a great way to begin understanding other people, your parents, friends, children... etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

These chilly cloudy days are perfect for that chair and cup of cocoa. And there are so many delicious book out there.

Decidedly Dithering

2009-11-23T13:49:00.005-06:00

Whether it's my age, hair colour, or just fate I know not. I just know that my life is so full of awkward moments that I only get over the last one by having another.

I would be the girl walking blissfully out of a campus door, just as a troop of students walk by, not see the steps descending to the sidewalk, and nearly scrape my face off from the jarring descent.

I would be the employee who is just trying to fill the ice bin when the bucket flies from her hands clattering and rolling and nearly trips her boss as he comes around the corner.

I would be the waitress who is gracefully balancing empty beer bottles on a tray when they all suddenly decide to jump over. Beer is sprayed all over her uniform and while she flushes 7 shades of color, eight elderly couples look disapprovingly over their forks and only receive a penitent sickly smile in return.

I would be the blonde that locked herself out of her car in the drizzling rain and had to be rescued by a compassionate policeman.

I would be the smartaleck telling the cooks what to do while I'm pouring soup. When the soup decides to pour everywhere but in its pan but rather all over the floor and me. The cook happened to think my tragedy was so funny he volunteered to clean the floor and helped wipe everything up while I swallowed the unshed tears of humiliation and laughed at myself too.

And yes, I'm the ditz, who is always in a hurry and as I whip out my pen to take an order has my pen fly up at customers. In consternation I dive for it surrounded by humored smiles.

And oddly enough, most of these things seem to happen when I'm not in a hurry.

Heu! Vita. I understand thee not.

Defending the South

2009-11-01T18:33:00.001-06:00

Having a spat with my uncle, who is a staunch defender of Abraham Lincoln and the North. He sent me the Gettysburg film recently as a gift...this is my reply:

Two years ago I began reading many books on The War Between the States. I didn’t just stick to books sympathizing with the South, but I’m afraid the biographies on Southern generals were far more stirring for the most part, although I have always liked Joshua Chamberlain.

I would recommend that you read J. Stevens Wilkins history on this war. Wilkins is a historical genius and has compiled many events which are so often over-looked since the winners write the history books.

In one of his lectures Wilkins points out,

“It has become a common practice for historians to refer to The War Between the States (“The Civil War”) as an “irrepressible conflict.” In reality, the war was not inevitable or “irrepressible” at all. The war was inevitable only to the radical humanists who saw that the only way to bring about the revolution they desired was to destroy the Calvinistic and Biblical foundations which opposed these “reforms.” This meant the destruction of the South. The theology coupled with the political power of the region were THE most formidable roadblocks to the humanistic/rationalistic revolution. The “new order” could never come until the South lost its position and influence. An issue was needed which was big enough to start a war - - that issue turned out to be slavery.”

I agree with Wilkins completely in this: slavery was not the true cause of the war. It was merely an excuse.

Now I am not a fan of slavery and where and how it is happening around the world today is awful and grotesque. And actually, many Southerners were anti-slavery. Of the 130 anti-slavery groups over two-thirds were in the South.

You have my deepest sympathy for being a relative to Abraham Lincoln. But you are not responsible for what your relations have done.

Abraham Lincoln, may he rest in peace, was not the chivalrous president so many historians make him out to be.

He himself stated,

“There is a natural disgust in the minds of nearly all white people, to the idea of an indiscriminate amalgamation of the white and black races…Make them [Negroes] politically and socially our equals? My own feelings will not admit of this…I will say then that I am not, nor even have been in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of white and black races – that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between white and black races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race.”

I was shocked when I leaned that Abraham Lincoln spoke those words.

Furthermore, in the 1930’s many former slaves were interviewed and many of them had had Christian employers whom they loved and did not want to be separated from. Many, not all, had better lives than free European peasants.

Plus, the North paid black soldiers les than white soldiers of equal rank whereas the South paid them equally.

I do not think war was the only answer to end slavery. But war was the only answer to the North keeping its economic and political interests.

On the issue of racism I find the ones who squeal the loudest about it, are often the people who themselves struggle with the equality of all men. Racism is a problem in our country. And not only against black people but anyone who is different than what we consider “normal.” The media has a lovely ability of being able to bring up the issue on a daily basis so that we continue to think about it in the world’s way, rather than remembering that we are all equally created in Gods image.

2009-10-09T22:18:00.002-05:00

I raise my eyebrow at date of my last post.

Much like I raised my brow at the last date in my journal earlier. And as generally happens when I don't keep up with my written life in that long, I begin by trying to write it all and end by shooting bird shot. Only hitting a zillion topics by chance and not delving in at all.

It has been a poignant month. I would say bittersweet but that term seems overused.

Granma passed away on the 17th. But her leaving brought almost the whole family together. Excluding one brother, my sister from Scotland and little nephew made it, and my sister from Texas and then my brother and his wife from California. Along with countless aunts and uncles and extended family.

I even made it to the emergency room the night before the funeral. My charming brother and his wife and two of my sisters and of course my parents joined in my excursion. I don't think I've ever been in so much pain in my entire life and my sense of humor was out. I sure hope God granted extra mercy to the people that dealt with me that night because I'm afraid I didn't. My pain was all due to a cyst..

And so, I am thinking that perhaps God is teaching me to Cherish Life.

I love life. I remember when I was 2 and 3 racing around the house breathing, "faster, faster, faster than a butterfly, faster than a motorcycle." For me, life has always meant movement. This method of life has cost me many mishaps and hard knocks. And a tendency to not always think things through.

I'm not declaring myself an invalid. I am far from that. But I have been restricted in the last year and more intensely in the last month of being quite as free and careless as I once was.

Funny how God seems to be forcing me to give up my independent spirit that so many times has refused help even when I needed it. I'm sure it is only the independence that kept me from depending on Him.

And so, now that I have time to sit I realize just how much I cherish life. My granma was 90 years old when she died. 90! That seems so far away. And yet, she often said how quickly time slipped away. And how many of us live to 90?

And it also reminds me to cherish new life. The fact that over 3700 lives are suffocated every day in America alone is sobering.

I have survived Roe V. Wade.

I have been given a fighting chance.

Life is a gift and once taken away it is never returns.

Guard this gift. But use it or it becomes useless.

Cherish Life.

2009-09-08T19:07:00.002-05:00

Thanks to the recommendation I have come across this passage:

"All experiences of suffering in the path of Christian obedience, whether from persecution of sickness or accident, have this in common: They all threaten our faith in the goodness of God and tempt us to leave the path of obedience. Therefore, every triumph of faith and all perseverance in obedience are testimonies to the goodness of God and the preciousness of Christ--whether the enemy is sickness, Satan, sin, or sabotage.

Therefore, all suffering, of every kind, that we endure in the path of our Christian calling is a suffering "with Christ" and "for Christ." With Him in the sense that the suffering comes to us as we are walking with Him by faith and in the sense that it is endured in the strength He supplies through His sympathizing high-priestly ministry (Hebrews 4:15). For Him in the sense that the suffering tests and proves our allegiance to His goodness and power and in the sense that it reveals His worth as an all-sufficient compensation and prize."

Desiring God - John Piper

2009-09-06T19:21:00.003-05:00

A glorious day.

The weather has that beginning chill of Fall and yet the sun still shined and the breeze still blew in a delicious fashion.

This morning my two youngest brothers were confirmed by Bp. Sutton.

This afternoon we went for a family drive. To the little town of Hankinson to get ice-cream. I had curly fries. A scrumptious substitute.

There was this old lady sitting at the picnic table crowing with laughter over Esther's antics and chatter.

Daddy wanted to drive through the Sand Hills just a few miles from there and so we headed out....we were in the fifteen passenger van of course..and dad turned off onto a road. In moments the lovely road turned into a frightening death trail. The trail was very sandy and we nearly got stuck a few times. Trees crowded on every side and gully's and gulches made us lurch from side to side. All the lovely ice-cream cones were quickly turning into shakes and everyone was laughing, screaming, and directing dad how to drive.

The trees parted and we found ourselves in the middle of a pasture. The road drizzled to a nothingness in the midst of a group of cows.

So back again we went. Up and down and finally out again.

and on to the park and a discussion about Chuggles. A most interesting topic.

I love Fall.

2009-09-05T18:39:00.001-05:00

It truly is so much easier to say than to do.

How many times have I begged God to prepare me for whatever purpose He desires me for?

Many.

And now, perhaps I am waking up to the realization that perhaps I have been whining and rejecting His preparation.

We say, whatever it takes, Lord.

Little realizing just what this may include.

And so, up until this very evening I have rejected and scorned being sick. I have been so frustrated by it. Every time I think it's gone away I either come down with something else or the same symptoms return.

Since last winter, I have been plagued by some sickness or another. Then, being sick from Brazil morphed into being sick with allergies, followed by a sty, a cold, and now a flu. Including my eczema breaking out from eating one dairy product.

It is so hard not to ask, "why me??"

It is so easy when not feeling well and being extraordinarily tired to be out of temper, to complain, to not trust God for His healing and strength.

How crushing it is to realize how many times I turn down the opportunity to glorify God. To accept this cheerfully, with the knowledge that, He will never leave me nor forsake me. We are to praise God in sickness and in health. Not just when we see He has fulfilled our wishes.

Perhaps it humors God too, when he sees just how often he has to employ means to humble us.

2009-09-03T16:24:00.003-05:00

Esther (6): "...and I like pigs, I love pigs, 'cause they're so cute and fat and they're pink!"

Mom: "we ate pig last night for dinner."

Talitha (3) following dad downstairs: "...and mom said we ate pig for dinner last night but we didn't!"

(picture courtesy of Havilah)

I couldn't upload two into one posts so here the the continuation

2009-08-31T21:54:00.003-05:00

Traditional Apurina March into Church

2009-08-31T21:15:00.002-05:00

The Apurina men prepare for church outside and then come marching and singing praise to God.

I'm so happy this video uploaded. It was truly amazing to be so separated by language and yet be able to glorify the same God in oneness. Their language is beautiful.

2009-08-30T15:55:00.002-05:00

A current love

2009-08-28T20:45:00.001-05:00

Do Not Rush. Trust. And Keep a Quiet Heart.

2009-08-27T18:24:00.002-05:00

I think I find most help in trying to look on all the interruptions and hindrances to work that one has planned out for oneself as discipline, trials sent by God to help one against getting selfish over one's work. Then one can feel that perhaps one's true work--one's work for God--consists in doing some trifling haphazard thing that has been thrown into one's day. It is not a waste of time, as one is tempted to think, it is the most important part of the work of the day--the part one can best offer to God. After such a hindrance, do not rush after the planned work; trust that the time to finish it will be given sometime, and keep a quiet heart about it.

Annie Keary, 1825-1879

Dear Lord,

2009-08-26T19:18:00.000-05:00

please help Lydia.

^that's how my three year old sister began the prayer before dinner.

Just a little disconcerting.

Startled.

2009-08-22T01:01:00.003-05:00

Pretty much daily I'm reminded of The Sibling Fact of Life.

You know...whether older or younger, siblings make you realize a lot about yourself. They are usually the first ones to discover if you take teasing well, what frustrates you, what you have patience with or who, especially whom you do not. And siblings are supposed to be good for us. And I believe they usually are. Sometimes, we'd like to think they only bring out the worst in us but really they are just bringing out us...sibling or no we all make decisions on how we will respond.

It dawned on me this week just how much I influence my siblings. It's positively frightening. It just might make me turn into a Paranoid Recluse one of these days. I guess I forgot how much I looked up to my older siblings while growing up. In lots of ways I wanted to be just like them.

I started waitressing for the first time this past week. Not a day later did I see my four little sisters in aprons. They're always dressing up in outfits so at first I didn't think twice about. The next thing I know I am being asked subtle questions like, "Lydia, if you ever had a restaurant, what would you call it?"

...so it finally dawned on me what they were up to...

Tonight I got back from work and took out my violin for the first time in ages. Moments later, Talitha toddled in and began heaving the little guitar from the corner. Esther began to beg, "can I please try your violin???"

I don't want to think about all the other things they see me do!

::EDIT::

Is it too hard to read my posts on the new background? Does the type need to be changed?

If you find it irritating, please let me know.

Slideshow on Youtube

2009-08-20T22:35:00.002-05:00

Oh yes. Finally. Pictures are on hand.

Hope you enjoy.

2009-08-20T22:20:00.002-05:00

Day 19 Friday, July 31st.

I hate goodbye's. So many abrupt, cold, flurried moments in airports - then quick hugs and brief words lest their flight should leave without them.

Our plane left Manaus an hour and a half or more after schedule from bad weather in Atlanta. It was a long flight that took the whole night. Some people were able to sleep, for myself, I tried and utterly failed. When they served breakfast I told the girl to put cream in the coffee, figuring it would taste bad. It wasn't until I'd drank 3/4ths of it and began to feel funny that I remembered I wasn't suppose to drink dairy. Egh.

When we first boarded I began talking to the lady across the isle from me - She's a U.S. citizen now but a Brazilian native. I was so absorbed chatting to her I didn't really pay attention to what was going on around me. One of the flight attendants came up tot me abruptly and demanded, "did you hear what was just said?"

"No."

"Well," she huffed, "those were flight instructions that you didn't listen to. That, "she pointed her finger down me, "was disobedient. That was a test, and you, you failed that at test." She turned and went back to her seat while I sat momentarily dumbfounded. I was on the verge of laughter. Everyone in our group turned to see what was going on and my Brazilian friend raised her brow and remarked, "that was rude and uncalled for."

It was only the instructions they give before every flight that I'm sure hundreds of passengers every day do their best to drown out. I call it Benton Luck.

Because of the flight delay, Grant and I missed our connection flights while Laurie had to run through customs and luggage . We weren't even able to say goodbye to her.

The rest of us merged to our terminal where we found out they switched all of our gate numbers. The Focklers and Cama left next to Denver. I'm going to miss all of them. Even I suppose Jared and Daniel with their constant jeering and teasing.

Grant and I headed back together on the tram where we parted. I went to my new gate which was switched twice more before I boarded.

I hadn't slept in over 30 hours and instantly took a 40 minute nap. I imagine lack of sleep is the cause of this headache.

It is good to be in the U.S. again. I'm looking forward to stepping off the plane, sleeping in a bed (what a novel idea), and calling my family.

God has been so good to us this entire trip. Some things are still all muggled up in my brain but my hope is to never forget Judy's words to us before departing. That I will always be open to the will of God. To serve Him at a moments notice and that I may never forget to live my life living Christ for we do not know when he will return.

May I always pray and search for the will of God in my life.

2009-08-20T22:09:00.002-05:00

Day 17 Wednesday, July 29

It feels like we've been in Manaus a long time. Another sticky day. Judy took us to a park/science place. We all liked it better than the zoo. It was full of tree's and trails till you forgot you were in the middle of an enormous city.

There were otters and monkeys, turtles, alligators, and bee's, but we didn't see them. We bought a huge bag of ice and when we came back to the house we made the best orange julius' in the world. It was so good to have some cold!

I'm glad there are several guys with us...especially when we go out. Not hard to imagine something pretty horrible happening.

Day 18 Thursday, July 30th

Our last day has been slow but relaxing. Last night we all just sat around talking - some great and interesting conversation. We packed up all our stuff and cleaned up Judy's house. I think Judy really appreciated just having us around - it's not often she has visits from fellow Americans. I really hope I will be able to come back here some day.

For dinner, we all walked several blocks to a little restaurant that had delicious meat on sticks - an authentic little joint. We walked back to the house and had devotions for a bit, found out that our flight had been delayed over an hour. Judy came with us to the airport and we said our sad farewells. And now we're just waiting - waiting for our plane - waiting for the 7 hour flight - the layover in Atlanta and our final destinations.

2009-08-20T21:35:00.003-05:00

Day 15 Monday, July 27

Today we all got ready and walked to the bus stop. The buses or for that matter, all traffic here is insane. Grant and I were sitting in the back of the bus and it was like being on a roller coaster. Up and down, round and round we went coming to sudden screeching halts and then revving off again.

Suddenly, we came to a another screeching halt but this time we didn't rev off...everyone but our group stepped down. Laurie turned around and said, "buses are on strike."

I thought she was joking. Judy was arguing away in Portuguese with the driver. Several of our fellow passengers were trying to explain to Grant through the window. Finally it dawned on me that this was for real. We all stumbled off.

The streets were full of pedestrians. Hundreds and hundreds of people on their way to work, school, touring, were suddenly all in the same dilemma. Bus after bus was stopped till the streets were lined with them. We all walked the rest of the way to the opera house.

The Manaus Opera House is very beautiful. It has wood from all over the world in it. After that we walked down to the street vendors, trying not to be squashed by all the traffic, and down to the market. It was interesting and fun. We spent nearly the whole day there. Tonight we've played games and Pastor Eric, Gene Babylon, and Alan Graham packed their stuff and are waiting to leave to the airport.

I know this is crazy but I'm so tired by 8:00 now I can hardly stay awake. This jungle life is growing on me. Earlier when I was down in the market buying some postcards this Brazilian lady came up behind me speaking softly, laid her head on my shoulder closing her eyes and then kissed it. I stood absolutely frozen. Not understanding was saying and feeling absolutely awkward. Alan Graham was standing a few feet away and just watched the whole thing with wide eyes. I looked at him, swallowed and quickly paid for my postcards. Yes, I'm discovering that Brazilians are a little strange at times.

Day 16 Tuesday, July 28

I guess the story of the little bug above [imagine one, please] needs to be told since Jannie and Mr Fockler suggested putting it in here.

Yesterday, I was sitting in the living room with everyone and I'd just finished eating a handful of granola - while I was talking I realized I still had a piece in my had so I popped it in my mouth. I bit it with my front teeth absently and to my surprise it was juicy and shelly. I feverishly began spitting and gagging while everyone looked on in wonderment. Jannie, sitting next to me looked down at my hand and said, "it's a bug!" Everyone began roaring with laughter. I was still busy making horrible expressions from the horrendous taste of bug guts and legs. I jumped up to wash my mouth out and called back in defense , "I thought it was granola!" this only made them laugh harder.

I remain the end to every bug joke they can think of.

I had headaches today and felt sluggish (or maybe buggish) and my stomach still isn't right. A lot of it may be from my allergies to cats, dogs etc they have both in the house. We went to the zoo today. A nice small zoo with all sorts of cats (jungle), alligators, fun exotic birds, and *shiver* snakes. I'm so thankful we didn't see snakes while out in the jungle...although I'm sure they were around.

I'm so sad we had to leave the village. I wish we could have stayed longer. Parting from them broke my heart and I'm afraid it made me cry. Even if I never come back (although I truly hope I do) I will never forget them.

The guys spent part of the day mending doors on the Judy's and Cathy's house. It made them very happy.

Ever since I got back from the jungle and have been in communication with my family I've really been missing them. I'm so thankful for email. I'm afraid we might be running poor Judy to a tizzy with all the running about she does for us - she's amazing.

I'm missing the guys that left last night. Mr Babylon had an awesome sense of dry humor. I loved it. The atmosphere has definitely changed since they left.

2009-08-20T20:58:00.002-05:00

Day 13 Saturday, July 25th

Yesterday was the first day I haven't written in here. When I last wrote it was about 10:00 at night and after a bit I fell asleep, exhausted. At 12:30 I woke up feeling really nauseated and sick - it hurt to move. I stumbled down to the little house out back, I remember I tripped on a tree root and fell on my elbows, I was scared to be out there alone.
When I came back in I drank a bunch of water - which didn't taste very good and I had a strange notion that it was that water that made me sick. I crawled into my hammock holding my stomach. I thought I might throw up but I haven't done that in years. A few minutes later I began to have horrific cramps up in my diaphragm that contorted my whole body. I've never experience anything like it. My head felt hot and my body cold. The cramps continued, attacking every few minutes - I think I groaned the whole night. At about 1:30 I woke up Came (my room mate) and told her I was sick. She said I needed to wake up Laurie, the doctor.

I did and told her my symptoms. In the end I was awake the entire night from - only God got me through for I've felt more gruesome. Cama was very good and sweet to me the entire time...especially when I so rudely woke the poor thing up.

In the morning I still felt pretty awful and even more so because I could hardly stand up long enough to say goodbye. I hope the Apurina understood. Leaving was hard. I boarded the boat with Mr Babylon earlier than everyone else and Maria kept trying to help and bring me medicine. She was jabbering on and on in Portuguese of which I only understood that her medicine would cure me. I kept saying "no entiendo" and shaking my head because I wasn't sure what exactly her medcine contained so she'd run down and grab a different bottle. She did that about 4 times before she finally realized I wasn't going to take it until Judy translated for me.

Laurie gave me some drugs and as soon as the cramps stopped a bit later I slept. I was out cold for about 15 hours. Apparently, my face swelled up and I looked absolutely awful. At 4:30 this morning we stopped at Beruri for a couple of hours - we were halfway. Everyone went and explored the town...I didn't even think about it.

Today I have felt better but definitely not recovered. I developed an earache on my right side and have been nauseated all day. I have mostly dozed and had strange dreams. Dreams about the boat sinking, of airplane rides, being back home, and of being pursued by scary people and nobody being able to hear me call out.

We are suppose to arrive in Manaus at about 8:00 - I can't wait to get off this boat - I think half my nausea is from the rocking and swaying hammock.

Day 14 Sunday, July 26

We are all safely at Judy's house. Last night while we were still on the boat I had finally pulled myself together and was feeling relatively better, I made my way down to the lower level to say hi to Maria, Orlando, their son Francisco, and Maxxi. They were all so happy I was feeling better that they gave me enormous hugs and Orlando kissed me on my cheek as if I were his daughter. They were so sweet and so worried about me. I didn't realize how bad I must have looked until I began to feel better and everyone told me. All I know is that I felt ghastly. So I sat in the itty bitty cabin while Orlando drove and next to Maxi int he stern swinging my legs over the boat while we came into the bay. It was a beautiful evening full of stars and breeze and it felt so good to be alive. Funny how much more you appreciate life once you've been sick.

Then we had another jam-packed bus ride back to Judy's house. They ordered pizza and we all waited out turn for Internet. This morning we all got up early and then waited until it was time to leave to church. I rode int he back baggage compartment of Judy's car...it was a jarring ride on Brazilians wonderful roads. Really it was kindof fun getting bounced around.

At church they gave us earphones and a girl translated for us into English but she missed a lot so it was rather disconnected. Afterward we went to the mall and ate - it was good. I was with five other people from our group eating in a restaurant and at the end of the meal the lights went out - it made me laugh. Because everyone around me was speaking Portuguese, looking-serious, and trying to eat in the dark. Alas, no one else thought it was funny and I laughed alone. Grant thinks Laurie's medicine's are messing with me.

We've spent the latter afternoon and evening sleeping,resting, talking, and reading. Most of the Fockler's have colds.

2009-08-17T21:26:00.002-05:00

Day 10 Wednesday July 22nd

We finished the church today! Everyone is very relieved and happy to be done with such hot and tiring work. We spent part of the day cleaning up and washing the floor of all the cement gunk.

Late this morning we went down to the boys swimming area and watched them drag up six wild boars they had just killed. Everyone will eat well tonight. Afterward I was sitting with several of the Indians on a bench and Aiampa came up to me with a pen and paper and began asking how to say and spell in English. The sound of our words makes them laugh so hard.

Now they all request pictures - even the older people. Since they are so serious we tell them to make funny faces. They are so happy about the church. Judy says they really like it.

The Brazilians that are here are a little scary. They don't look trustable. Several of them look like agents of some kind...like the bad guys from thrillers. I think it's mostly their sunglasses because I can never tell exactly where they are looking.

Tomorrow is an official play day.

Day 11 Thursday, July 23rd

Truly the best day yet. Today we did everything I've been dying to do. This morning Aiampa took Cama and I out in a canoe and we went up the flooded river amongst tree's and branches for quite some time. We had machete's with us and Cama and I tried to look for snakes but we didn't see anything. Which is almost scarier. Aiampa had brought us to her field, which doesn't look like our fields at all! They are full of burned trees and scrubs where they have cleared it and all over are pineapples, bananas, sugar cane, and the mansa stuff that is like a potato. Sugar cane is good. You hack off the skin with a machete and then chew the liquid out of the stringish white stuff and spit it out.

I went down with Johanna and Etiana to a house at the end of the village this afternoon and watched an old woman weave a basket. They look like so much work. Coming back from watching the basket weaving then Brazilian woman were cooking and called us over and with gestures and signals asked me to braid their hair like they'd seen me braid the little Indian girls hair yesterday. I agreed, feeling a little awkward with all of them crowding around and a little like they were demanding that I do it. As if I didn't have a choice. But they were very pleased with the result. After that Aiampa wanted to learn more English and had me write down the English while she wrote in Apurina next to it.

Right after lunch Mongwa came to take us on another canoe trip to see if we could find any more animals. We did see some monkeys and heard an alligator slap his tale. Mongwa took us through the jungle, which is a little less wild then I expected, and showed us where they cut their Wood for boards.

It was awesome canoeing through that - rather epic.

We didn't get back until about 3:00 and the swim we took after all the sweaty stuff felt incredible.

Played Frisbee with the little boys for a while before we had a church service. It was a dedication and communion service. It was so beautiful - not only in their new church building, but in their faces and singing and words of thanksgiving. It was very dark when we got out of church and the lit the bonfire. It was a big hot fire and everyone crowded around with short sticks and turned faces from the intense heat and roasted marshmellows.

Laughter rang across the village. Boar meat roasted. Grant had brought some glow sticks and we threw them whizzing back and forth. They couldn't believe how they glowed. Everyone posed for pictures. The Brazilians who were visiting mostly just watched but I probably had to pose for 30 pictures. They don't often seen blond hair and blue eyes (and all of us girls had one degree of it or another) and it fascinates them. The Brazilian guys can get rather annoying.

At one point, we all formed two lines - one of boys and men and one of woman and children. The lines faced each other. The men sang a chant and would step, step, half step, stop while the woman backed up simultaneously. The men held palm leaves in their left hand while their right was on the next guys left shoulder. Back and forth we went laughing and turning in big circles until everyone was tired.

It was an evening never to be forgotten. It reminded me so much of the kind of feast C.S. Lewis would describe in a Narnia book.

For a while we sang...miserably since we couldn't think of a song we all knew.

We "partied all night" for a Indian...which was until 9:30 pm...I have to admit I was utterly exhausted by then too.

The Apurina boys are so sweet and give us wooden rings they carve out of nuts and aren't happy until you try them on to be sure they fit.

Everything is packed up and ready to go. Tomorrow we leave early.

2009-08-17T20:51:00.003-05:00

Day 8 Monday, July 20th

We got a lot done today on the church - a hot and tiring time though. The indians are working on the roof while we work below. They are amazingly skilled with wood work. Their beams are long and straight and everything is notched perfectly. All they use is a chainsaw and machete most of the time.

The children are very friendly now and adorable. I don't want to think about leaving them. After work Jannie, Andrea, Cama, and I went down for a swim. Several of the little indian girls were already there so I started to growl and chase them. They loved it and in the end they wouldn't let any of us get out but physically dragged us back in. During the middle of that an indian woman signaled me over and gave me a basket she had weaved. She is so absolutely adorable...I wish I could have expressed my gratitude better.

Day 9 Tuesday July 21st

I don't know how I'm going to leave this place -- especially the children. Every time they see us they run up and embrace and hang on us. If we walk out of the house several will run up and body slam from every direction. The love to mimic what we say in English. To one of them I said, "are you my girl?" she laughed and grabbed my hand, "my girl!" she chirped back.

I braided their hair today...they look so hot with it down all the time. They loved it. They also love posing for pictures but look very solemn in them.

Right now the men are finishing the roof, the church is nearly done. We don't have quite enough brick and mortar but we're doing the best we can.

An old woman from the village came up to to the house today and gave us all Apurina names. Mine is, Ko Pakiaro.

The team is now talking about leaving on Friday instead of Sunday - all of us girls want to stay until Sunday but there are several people were are sick and we need to get back to the city.

We've had a lot of paca and bean jokes because we've eaten them so much. I don't mind it though.

Another boat came today with Brazilians they are having some kind of meeting with the indians.

Last night I went to bed early not feeling well. I woke up about an hour later. Judy and Laurie were talking in the kitchen with an Apurina family. I went to sit and listen. The man asked me my name and then said he was going to name his next child after me. I love the way they pronounce my name, "Leedia". Some of them even shorten it to "Lyd" which I often go by at home.

It took a long time to fall asleep after that but when I did it felt wonderful. The first night I haven't awakened every half hour.

2009-08-16T18:31:00.003-05:00

Day 6 Saturday, July 18th

Another long day but the church is coming along. We got a lot done today. After work we ate dinner and then went swimming. It felt so good. Although you start sweating again almost immediately. I felt loads better today though. We ate paca for lunch and it makes your stomach go on a roller coaster for a while - I never thought I'd eat a rodent.

Last night I could hardly move I was in so much pain. And then our hammock nets are very stuffy. They were playing loud loud music down at the boat - which they have started up again just now, and a generator was running on the other side of the village - a lot of noise for a long time made it really hard to sleep.

All the guys pour buckets of sweat - it's horrific.

Day 7 Sunday, July 19th

It has been a wonderful day. Still not sleeping extremely well in this heat and humidity. I woke up every half hour and got up about 5:30. The dogs growled all night at each other right under the house. Late last night Cama & I went down to the boat where the music was and watched and played dominoes, they are crazy fast at it.

This morning we went to church at about 8:00. Usually it's at 7:00 but they changed it because everyone was tired from working. It started by all the men gathering in a circle some way away holding palm leaves. They came singing and marching into church. Down the isle and around the pulpit. The women and children sit on one side and the men on the other. Judy didn't want it that way but they knew it was done like that in other parts of Brazil. We sang (or tried to pronounce their lengthy words), said the Lord's Prayer and different men read the bible and spoke while Judy translated. Her ability for switching between languages is incredible. I was very impressed with their understanding of the bible. They are so sincere.

After Church I played Frisbee for a long time and got drenched in sweat. The Fockler's brought some balloons so they filled them with water and we threw them around until they broke - they loved it.

Then Cama and I went visiting. Some of the Indians were more friendly than others but they were all hospitable.

Cosma (the chiefs wife), gave me some rings. They make them out of nuts, she's very sweet.

Then I went down and had a swim with Judy and Laurie. We swam out to a cold spot in the water, held on to a tree and talked for a good hour - it was wonderful.

I cleaned myself up and wandered down to the boat thinking everyone else might be there. They weren't but I stayed down there for an hour or so because they wanted me to teach them English by pointing to different fruits and vegetables on a grocery ad. They had a really hard time saying "er" and 'r' in our words and we all laughed till we almost cried.

I came back and played Frisbee and got all gross again...it's useless getting clean.

We had church again at 5:00 and we didn't get out until it was dark. They don't have a set time that it lasts - just when anyone who has wanted to talk has finished.

Jannie, Jared, Daniel, Andrea, and I played dominoes with them in the schoolhouse since they have a generator and light out there. Daniel drew pictures on the chalk board of animals and stuff and made them say the Apurina for it. It was very humorous.

Brazil

2009-08-16T17:37:00.003-05:00

Day 4 Thursday, July 16th

I finally slept well last night. The sunrise was gorgeous. For breakfast we had coffee, granola, banana's (their banana's are amazing), and some potato stuff. I'm not sure what they call them. Marie boiled them with the skins on which are brown and I just ate them plain like that. They are bright purple on the inside.

We had bible study just a bit ago. We are studying the gospel of Mark. We're taking it slow--which is good.

Judy encourages us not to get so bogged down by the newness of this country nor our responsibilities as to forget to spend time with God and in prayer. Right now that is not hard. I am surrounded by His glorious creation. It is peaceful on the river here and there aren't many distractions - you almost have to think of distractions on this boat. I have a little feeling the village won't be quite like this.

We should be arriving in the village soon. I think everyone is ready to get off the boat and start doing something.

Several people aren't feeling very well - our digestive systems have been thrown out of whack.

Now there are not so many houses along the river, they are quite rare in fact. We still see dolphins, lots of butterfly's, and a few monkeys but not much. We are all waiting to see the crocodiles and Judy says if we go out at night in the village with a flashlight we will.

Day 5 Friday, July 17

Ah, it is 7:30 pm. I didn't realize when I promised myself I'd journal every day it'd be this hard. I'm so tired I could cry.

It took a lot longer to get here than they thought it would. We couldn't see our way onto the Monkey River last night so we stopped about 20 minutes away. I was trying to talk to Maxi and turning on and off the searchlight for him. He was trying to make some sort of deal with me and wanted to shake hands on it. I didn't have any idea what he was trying to say so I wouldn't and he laughed and slapped me on the shoulder.

Cama says he was probably asking to marry me and Jannie that he wanted to feed me to the fish. Today though, has been interesting. We arrived in the village and almost immediately began working on the church. It was blisteringly hot until about noon when it began to rain - a gift from heaven in more ways than one. We all stood out getting drenched. We sweat continuously.

The people are shy but nice. The language barrier is very difficult but funny as times too. I know a little Spanish which is close to Portuguese but the Apurina language is very different. Mr Fockler brought Frisbees and they are loving the game. They played with them for hours. The concrete and bricks can be difficult to work with. It is hard to wear gloves so our hands are raw from the rough cement rubbing.

I worked with Pastor Eric mostly today. It was interesting talking with him. After work we all went swimming in the river. It felt amazing. Today for lunch we had paca - which is a large rodent. It tasted rather like pork. A couple of people were grossed out at the thought. Although Alan isn't feeling good anyway so I don't blame him for not trying it.

Too tired to write any more.

Brazil - day 3, I must have had way too much time to write!

2009-08-16T13:12:00.005-05:00

Day 3 Wednesday, July 15

I think I'm still in shock that I'm actually in Brazil. I find it increasingly incredible when I pause and realize that without knowing the language I can tell Marie, the cook, how good her food is, how we can argue about washing the dishes. how the driver can tell how tired he is and that he has a headache....

Judy King is amazing. I have already begun to respect her so much - sometimes though she starts chattering away looking at me for comfort and I find myself staring back in kindof a daze and realize afterwards everything she said was in Portuguese and I didn't understand one word for a good reason. She's lived here 35 years. She has such a big heart even though she's tough on the outside. Yesterday morning she suddenly grabbed me and gave me an enormous hug and sighing said, "I'm so glad you guys are here."

I couldn't fall asleep in my hammock last night so I tired the deck - it wasn't too much better. I woke up every hour and realized I had rolled to the railing. I finally just got up at 5:45 and took a shower - I can honestly say, a shower has never felt better. Not that it was much of one. It's right in the bathroom which is about 2' x 3'.

It was pitch black by 7:00 last night. Judy taught Jannie and I how to play Brazilian dominoes. She's hilarious about it.
We won't arrive in the village until 7:00 tomorrow night but everyone is enjoying this boat ride so it's alright. 40 minutes ago we left the halfway point. We had a prayer and bible time this morning and Judy explained how things will happen in the village. Now everyone is just relaxing i.e. talking, journaling, watching dolphins and a couple of the guys are fishing.
Jared Fockler reminds me a lot of my brother Josiah. If his little sister Andrea is not the end of his every joke than I am. He some how thinks I ought to listen to him. Andrea and I take the teasing in completely different directions though. She just sits there and takes it and I retaliate and tease in return. I somehow feel like Jared and Daniel act like I'm a sister - so I've decided to treat them like brothers. Last night Jared's hammock broke part way when he laid in it. Everyone on our end of the boat laughed until we ached.

Later:

It's evening now, the sunset disappears. I just came up from a feast of watermelon and mansa. The mansa is like a potato and after a couple of bites I felt stuffed. Then we pulled up to a small town - or maybe it was a village, I didn't catch a name. We were right alongside a river boat which was full of the most adorable children. We tried exchanging names but mostly we just grinned at one another. It was becoming increasingly humid - about six of us lounged in the prow while Maxi, the driver talked to us. We had no idea what he was saying but that didn't bother him in the least. He kept telling us stories and laughing which made us laugh and then he'd laugh harder. Jared was trying to fish and figure out what would be good bait. Jannie has a wort on her finger and Maxi started talking about it to her. She thought he was telling her how to get rid of it. And I guess he was because when we asked Judy to translate for us he said she should cut it off and use it for fish bait. He thought this joke was hilarious. I'll never forget these days. Not in my wildest fancies have I ever thought I'd be happily laughing on the Amazon a Brazilian and five other people circumstance has thrown together.

I can't fall asleep so I'm going to write some more. We had beans again and mansa for dinner and coffee. Their coffee is so sweet! They boil it with cane sugar. It's thick too - like a syrup. You can't drink a lot at a time.

It was dark and they were using the searchlight so I went to the prow to see if I could spot some crocodiles. The driver, Maxi, started talking to me. I had to ask Judy what the word for crocodile was. So I asked him if we'd see any, he nodded vigorously and pointed to the water but I didn't see anything for the hour I was up there. He kept asking me questions - if any of the other people were my siblings, if Jared and Jannie were 'espousa', if I was married etc. For the most part though I had to helplessly put my hands in the air, then he'd put his hand on my shoulder, shake his head, and laugh. I had to laugh as well.

Brazil Day 1 and 2

2009-08-16T12:33:00.002-05:00

While I was in Brazil I kept a journal nearly everyday to keep track of some of the things we did.

Day 1 Monday, July 13th 2009

We are currently en route to Manuas - we are missing one lady from Texas whose flight was late. [actually we found out when we landed she made it on our flight].
We've been flying from Atlanta for several hours now. The entire flight will be 6 or 7 hours. Just filling out forms, watching movies, eating, and talking.
Nothing too exciting has happened, everything is going smoothly. I can't wait to arrive in Manaus. We're on a fairly small aircraft that is about 2/3's full, so we have a little room. I'm still working on remembering every one's name and hoping to catch some sleep.

Day 2 Tuesday, July 14th, 2009

It's ten o'clock in the morning and we're on the boat. But I'm skipping about 12 hours. Our plane landed just before midnight and it took a long time to get out of the airport because of customs. Judy King met us there. We gathered our tremendous amount of luggage and rode the bus to Judy's house. There we met Cathie - she and Judy work together. She's from Scotland and has an incredible accent. I love it.
It is very hot and sticky here. So humid. We all made our way to our bedrooms - we were in pairs. I got the yellow room with Laurie. Nearly all of us slept in hammocks. There are hooks in the walls in all the rooms. It was about 2 a.m. by the time we got to bed and pretty soon I feel fast asleep - but most everyone else couldn't sleep because of the heat.
I woke in some confusion to banging pots and pans and so comfortable in my hammock I didn't want to get up. But it was after 6:00 and I had too. We had a great breakfast of hard boiled eggs, coffee, bread, and peanut butter. Everyone is in fairly good spirits although some people are overwhelmed with the heat.
Just after 8:00 our bus arrived and we loaded it to the gill. I sat in the back with 150 eggs on my lap. Water jugs and packs filled the isles. Alan Graham was holding a whole slew of bananas still on their branch. Jarad's wife, Jannie, had a pot of beans on her lap, etc. It was about 45 minutes down to the docks. Traffic is crazy in Manaus. Small, narrow streets. Motorcycle's squeezing in and out, curvy, bumpy roads and sharp unexpected turns.
The boat is quite lovely- we've been going about an hour. It has two open levels with benches on the upper portion along the sides. Tonight our hammocks will get attached to the ceiling.
All one can see is green vegetation and odd little houses hither and thither. So far, a dolphin has been spotted and that's it. The river is very high--recordly high, so Judy doubts we'll see much wildlife.

Later:

It's 4:30 now we're still chugging along. Lunch was delicious. We had white rice with chicken in a broth, beans and some grainy stuff that is a staple here. It's called fadenia. It doesn't smell so good, rather like chicken feed. But mixed in with the beans and rice it was very good.

Here's a list of our group before I forget.

#1 - Trip leader: Joe Fockler
#2 - Daniel Fockler (24)
#3 - Jared Fockler (22)
#4- Jannie Fockler, Jared's wife. (24)
#5 - Andrea Fockler (17)
#6 - Gene Babylon (67)
#7 - Alan Graham (50)
#8 - Pastor Eric Jorgensen
#9 - Grant Vitek (17)
#10 - Cama Voyack (24)
#11 - Laurie Aten, our physican
#12 - Me (19)
#13 - Judy King, Host.

This river trip is so cool. People live along the entire thing. I guess I thought people would only live on it by the main cities - not so.
Another thing that is a surprise is how wide the Amazon River is all along! Huge.

Imagine.

2009-08-16T00:15:00.002-05:00

When I was a child, perhaps beginning at the age of 5, I had an unbearable fear of a yellow ducky coming through my window. This fear sent me whimpering to my parents with pleas of not having to go to bed just yet. I had nightmares about that yellow ducky which frightened me half to death.

I have no idea what instigated the ducky, all I know is that few years later I had in inescapable fear of a man coming through my bedroom window. I could picture him so vividly before going to sleep that my visions would morph into dreams until sometimes I really thought he'd really come and gone in the night.

Now, I have no such dreams. I have insomnia.

I can't decide which is worse.

Faith

2009-07-06T00:01:00.003-05:00

If we wish to be rational, not now and then, but constantly, we must pray for the gift of Faith, for the power to go on believing not in the teeth of reason but in the teeth of lust and terror and jealousy and boredom and indifference that which reason, authority, or experience, or all three, have once delivered to us for truth.

Jack Lewis

2009-06-23T22:49:00.002-05:00

Och. How difficult gratefulness can be. I woke up to this fact today. I wasn't purposely being ungrateful but I suddenly realized how much I take for granted all the time. How often I forget to be thankful. I know the phrase can be nostalgic but, "enjoying the moment" is something I often completely forget to do.

And, isn't it ironic, that when you start truly recognizing your blessings and showing your gratefulness, how much smaller and less petty your problems become?

Not too many good things happen when we concentrate too much on ourselves.

I am reading a book on ministering cross-culturally right now. Oddly enough the title is "Ministering Cross-Culturally" by Sherwood Lingenfelter. I'm freaking out about what a North-American I am. Not that that is all bad but I could certainly use some moderation. It's a small book but I think so far a useful one. If applied, I think it could solve more problems than going to other countries and trying to reach out to people. I think it could help a lot of relationship problems by aiding to understand differences.

The weather has been stifling of late. 90's and shooting humidity content which is gagging in the greenhouse since the temp is often over 100. It has rained nearly every day and lots of huge thunderstorms have gone through along with several tornado warnings. They are pretty amazing to watch.

I have resolutioned never to cipher chemicals again. They taste far too gross. Not to mention the stupidity and dangers it involves.

I also am curious how most people handle impressions of people. See, for the most part, I am very positive about peoples differences and I always think the best of them...the only downside to this is that it leads to a lot of shocking facts that can be quite depressing. I guess, especially with my co-workers, as I learn more and more about them (nearly all of them non-Christians) I am often tempted to think, "I wish I didn't know that" or "I know a little too much about this person." These are probably selfish thoughts...but it seems far worse to think bad of people and then have that improved by them not being "quite as bad as you originally thought". Perhaps more what is overwhelming is the lack of any moral reasoning in today's culture. It's so strange when people have absolutely no standard....or only one they make up themselves which often isn't very logical.

2009-06-14T17:38:00.003-05:00

I feel like a could write about a million different things right now.

I've had this running argument with a lady at work about Abortion so I've been mulling over that for awhile. I was thinking how much it is treated like slavery was a hundred fifty/ two hundred years ago. What William Wilberforce fought through. Christians and pagans alike thought of and treated slaves horribly. They were inhumane. In hindsight we are disgusted by what they did. But once again, the blood of the innocent, flows....instigated by Christians and pagans alike.

We cannot drop this issue. We must never give in. And we need to take Wilberforce's approach: inch by inch. He knew he would never get the laws passed by stating what he wanted to do in bold letters. It took his entire life. Defeat after defeat. But slowly he slid more and more laws through. He argued and argued and never, ever, ever gave in. His devotion and steadfastness will bring tears to your eyes.

Never forget that: Abortion is murder.

Also, I just finished this incredible book by Steve Saint called, "The Great Omission". He is the son of Nate Saint; a martyr in the Ecuadorian jungles. Steve was baptized by two of the men who speared his father. If you want to read about grace....I have a story for you.

Steve's whole book though is centered on what the Great Commission really entails. Every Christian ought to read it...so simple and eye-opening. Steve grew up with the Waodani tribe who killed his father and eventually became a missionary there as well. At one point he brought two of the tribesman to America with him and I had to laugh and cry at Mincaye's (one of the tribesman) impression of America:

Foreigners are always in a big hurry but spend most of their time sitting down.
Some strangers are very friendly, like the ones that "gave" us food, but most of the foreigners seem very angry. They won't talk to anyone for very long.
Foreigners don't like to talk to each other much. Lots of times they drive away from everyone and then talk to them on little things they wear on their belts.
In airports, when they can't get away from each other, they all sit close but look away from each other and talk into those same little things on their belts.

Growing up in ones cultural certainly makes one blind to the everyday. Read the list above again...and it might begin to dawn on you just how silly our cultural is. We can hardly function if we lose electricity for even a day. Even if you're not addicted to the internet you rely on it for nearly everything: your freezer, running water, the coffee pot, heat, air-conditioning...the list goes on and on. Of course, you'll only notice it when you have a power outage for a couple of hours.

*sigh* this book totally inspired me though.

Other news:

--I've officially lost my camera USB cord. I could kick myself. How do you lose a USB cord? I've looked everywhere I can think of.

--I discovered I'm dairy intolerant. In certain ways it's been easy switching my eating habits and I feel a zillion times better. But it can still be awful tempting to eat things I shouldn't...I was stupid enough yesterday to eat ice-cream for the first time in weeks and I don't think I will be tempted ever again (or at least for a really long time). I never used to get that sick over it but maybe since I've been off of dairy and suddenly going back on my body threw an absolute fit.

--Pumped for going camping this weekend a couple of hours away.

--Work continues to have seemingly overwhelming disasters. Some of which are just because I work there. Other days I'm just the "handyman" that has to fix all the darn breakdowns. Most of the time I don't mind that...I could spend hours fiddling around but other times it's absolutely infuriating because so many of them are caused by pure carelessness. And nothing is more angering than when "grown ups" just don't care how they treat other peoples property...if they ruin literally hundreds of dollars worth of machinery.

If I ever find my USB cord I will give a few pictures as some rather funny things have happened.

Dangers of surfing the web.

2009-05-29T19:00:00.004-05:00

Ship graveyard. This would be so cool to visit.

Squirtgun umbrella...might as well make that rain water useful.

Walk like a china-doll...porcelain dress.

I need a tie now!

An Abi bookshelf. :D

Oh...this does explain a few things.

So there really is a seperation of church and state.

What would I be without these hilarious humbling moments?

2009-05-25T15:18:00.003-05:00

At the greenhouse it is great fun to scare co-workers. Heck. It's great fun to scare anyone. And it's relatively easy to do at the greenhouse since you deal with a lot of absorbed workers.

I was pretty hyper the other day at work (a rather common occurance, but it keeps me motivated) and I had run up to the front where the break-room and retail store are to grab my mp3 player. There's a half-wall with cupboards that divides the break room from the store half and I heard someone in there.

Out of impulse I decided it would be a great idea to scare someone...so I crouched down behind the wall ready to jump and freak them out. I peeked around the wall and to my horror I saw that it was Nick...a brand new guy who was taking over management for the weekend....I froze in horror with no time to change my position.

I stood up just as he came by...he skidded off to the side and shouted, "What are you trying to do!?

I was utterly embarrassed caught red-handed as I was...I mean...there is really no excuse for being crouched down on the floor.

"I'm sorry! I thought you were one of the girls." I yelled, laughing so hard at my predicament I had to brace myself on the table.

Wanted to sink right through that floor. Grr..

I think I stick to scaring those I can see.

Era of Tolerance, Age of Weakness

2009-05-20T21:06:00.002-05:00

I like my title.

I know...that was just a really conceited thing to say...but honestly it states very well what I was thinking about today. And if you live on planet earth you probably know what I'm talking about...Yes, the world we live in today.

Tolerance is everyone's motto. And it seems like a good one...for when it is applied...the world should be a peaceful place. It doesn't mean you have to agree but everyone needs to accept everybody elses differences. We need to see each other as unique and creative. Even if such 'uniqueness' and 'creativity' is brazen sin.

I am trying to be careful how I say this but as a Christian I cannot accept this secular viewpoint comfortably. Am I really saying that Christians should be intolerant? Yes. Absolutely yes.

I don't believe I ought to accept gay peoples beliefs nor will I tolerate them being shoved in my face (as someone recently tried to do). Depending on the situation, I don't think it is necessary to walk up to every gay person and declare that I don't agree or accept their actions but if they attempt to shove them on me...I'll let them know I won't tolerate that.

What we need to be careful of as Christians is remember that these people are also made in the image of God. Christ, the Great Physician, came for the sick--not the well.

Being tolerable to everything leaves one wide open for a few too many disasters. And when we aren't we are immediately jumped upon.

As a Christian, I don't believe it's possible to be accepting in this way. If we are then we must deny Christ, the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Yes, Christianity is not accepting of gays, or Buddhism, or Muslims....this does not mean we cannot treat them with Christian charity but I think we do need to define the line.

2009-05-15T00:18:00.000-05:00

The forces of evil have come.

I am crushed. But not broken.

It is almost disappointing… only being bruised. It means one has to go on.

It means you have to keep fighting.

The desire to run, to hide, overwhelms.

The want to strike back, tempts.

I want to hold it all in.

I want to let it all out.

I want you to know I care. I really am concerned.

Don’t play these games of hide and seek.

Chumming up one day and brushing off the next.

Only tell me how I have offended and I will mend my ways.

I value your friendship, your laughter, and our endless chatter.

Where are the jovial days of yesterday?

This ignorance is not bliss. Only tell me…

Tell me what is wrong.

Sad day

2009-05-13T22:01:00.004-05:00

This blog just might fall apart. I came back to work yesterday and discovered the saddest fact: Chuck quit. And now...I don't know if I'll have any more stories about work.

Ken has replaced him. He's actually quite scary looking...the furthest looking from a 'Ken' you can get. A big barrelly man whose only form of communication so far is Grunt. A language which I don't find very informative.

The greenhouse has been absolutely crazy lately because they've been shipping so many loads every day. Keeping up with watering, cleaning, and picking is enough to make someone lose their mind. The miscommunication that goes on there doesn't help much.

Here's an example of our sophisticated conversations.

Me: What do you want me to load on this cart?

Crystal: Moonlight Strawberry, Moonlight Raspberry, Blues, Calypso, and let me see...and some tango too.

Me: Moonlight?? I don't even know what that is.

Crystal: They're up front and some are over here.

Me: Alright so we need Moonlight Cherry, Moonlight strawberry..

Crystal: No, no, no...moonlight strawberry and moonlight raspberry and blues and calypso

Me: Wait! I can't remember all of those...I'll just do the moonlight cherry and raspberry.

Crystal: It's strawberry and raspberry.

Me: Right.

::Lydia goes off and returns 5 minutes later::

Me: Crystal...those aren't moonlight raspberry down there...it's American Raspberry. Do you want American or moonlight? or is there even moonlight raspberry.

Crystal: I don't know...that just what Lynelle said.

::She goes marching off to Lynelle and I follow::

Crystal: Lynelle, does the list say Moonlight or American for the raspberry?

Lynelle *scowl*: Moonlight.

Me: Well there are no moonlight strawbery...err..I mean there are no moonlight raspberry. Only moonlight strawberry and cherry but there is American raspberry.

Lynelle: Are you sure you looked?

Me: Yes.

:: all three march off to Juan...me following and moaning about the tragedies of this job::

Crystal: Juan, do we want moonlight raspberry or american raspberry? We can only find moonlight strawberry and cherry and american raspberry and we don't know which we should load.

Juan: There's no moonlight strawberry?

::everyone starts explaining at the same time::

Juan *highly stressed looked*: I don't know! Load what you want. No don't! Just don't load anything american....

....and thus life goes on....

2009-05-02T13:32:00.001-05:00

Soren James.

Mommy and Baby.

He's so cute!

Work Thoughts

2009-04-22T22:38:00.002-05:00

So...working at a greenhouse provides a lot of hours for pure thinking. Which can be good or bad.

But I was just thinking about how much I can struggle every day as a Christian. How I, and every Christian for that matter, is exactly like ancient Israel.

You know how while reading the old testament you want to take the Israelites and shake them up sometimes. I mean really, God leads them out of Egypt with one miracle after another and they praise and thank Him, forget Him, complain, worship other gods, God says, "that's enough" and they after chastising them they come back humbled, beaten, and once again praise God.

Life is good again.

So they go back to their wicked ways. Talk about some hard headed, stupid people!

Now go write down a summary of your walk with God in the last year and compare notes with the Israelites...you almost can't tell which is which, can you?

Aunthood here I come.

2009-04-19T19:42:00.001-05:00

Oh yes. My dear sister Rachel gave birth this morning to Soren James.

I shall see the little blighter in 1 week.

Pictures shall follow.

2009-04-09T22:44:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was officially my worst day at work than ever before.

I lied in my last post. Accidentally. I was not getting better from that sickness I came down with...but I did think I was that night.

I woke up Wednesday morning feeling like a train wreck. Halfway through the morning I was loading a tall metal cart with potted plants and moving them to another area.

It was in a tunnel section where nobody else was around and as I pulled the cart in I realized I had it facing the wrong way and needed to turn it around. Now, in this tunnel, there is only a cement path down the center and either side is dirt..so as I turned the cart it caught on the dirt.

My brain was not fully functioning and I remember standing next too it and calming realizing that, "the cart is about to tip" as it fell it somehow threw me on the ground and a second later I sat with a pinched finger and my foot trapped under this heavy cart with hundreds of plants in every direction.

They flew! Pots, Plants, Dirt.

I wanted to cry. Instead I picked myself up, heaved the cart off my foot, and began cleaning that horrendous mess up.

I knew I would need to tell one of my bosses...and I was trying to think how to evade that awkward convo.

When I was about halfway through Juan walked in, stopped dead in his tracks and let out a long long groan.

I began apologizing pathetically and he said, "it's okay, just clean it up."

Then I thought he was heartless for some reason (I didn't feel good, alright.) and I had to replant half of them...

The whole deal took almost 2 hours to clean up!

By the time I finished it was noon and I decided it was high time I went home for the day.

On arriving home I found out that Jay Holston, the deacon in our church had had a massive heart attack that morning and had passed away! It is still so shocking and it made me realize how trivial my problems for the day had been. That they are not the end of the world.

I stole an amazing quote from the sermon tonight at church: "God wants us to do--not just to think and feel--but to do."

A Christian's death is so bittersweet. How much we miss them. And yet, we know they are in a better place..Rejoicing.

2009-04-06T21:08:00.002-05:00

I arrived to work today at 7:59...I hate pulling it that close.

Walking into the greenhouse I caught up to my boss, Juan. "How are, you?" he asked.

"Tolerable," I scowled. I'm usually quite cheerful in the morning and ready to go but today I woke up with a tennis ball in my throat and all achy. I hate being sick. I hate how it slows you down.

"What are we doing today?" I asked.

"Planting," Juan replied.

"What a novel idea," I said dryly. Juan didn't understand what I meant by that since he only came to the U.S. about 15 years ago and doesn't understand what a lot of phrases mean.

"What?" he asked.

And I was stupid enough to repeat it. Not feeling good usually makes any sarcasm that comes to mind twice as bitter.

At 9:00 Chuck came into work. That man is going to drive me insane. He came in doing his whole celeb wave again. He's a huge guy and he walks down the aisle partly crouched over with ludicrous look on his face waving in slow motion and yelling hi to everyone. I think he might have been attention-deprived as a child.

On Friday he was across the greenhouse from me and talking to another worker there. And out of no where he began yelping and leaping in the air...

He also has a fascination of charging at people with carts at full speed.

I was in no mood to talk to anyone until about noon when my throat began to loosen up a little. My head hurt today too...I have a huge egg on the top of it and it hurts to brush my hair. So I decided to give that up for awhile.

I remembered earlier what that was from finally. But you might not believe me. The other day we were all in my mom's room and after a while I told everyone it was time to go out.

Talitha, whose three, dove back in and hid under my mom's bed. So I went after here and the little Snippet got to the other side and escaped before I was halfway under. On coming up I forgot I had a head and smashed it into the metal bar full force.

I have regained almost all my old happy self as of now...shesh I hate being sick.

And I hate it when people complain about being sick.

2009-04-04T17:36:00.002-05:00

This past week I received confirmation about being accepted on a missions trip to Brazil for three weeks in July.

I am the happy owner of a ticket.

I was the last person able to get in on this trip. Originally I was going to go to Nigeria but they cancelled the trip because it was too dangerous.

I am excited. And yet, nervous too. I'm flying from Atlanta to Manaus, Brazil. We'll be there for a few days and then float down the Amazon river for 2 days...then canoe for an hour to a village. The church there needs to be re-built and that is our main project.

Geez though, I have a lot to prepare for...

2009-03-14T21:19:00.004-05:00

It is fitting that a good post should follow a bad.

Today I was really able to witness how doing the right thing isn't always the easiest...but how much more it pays off and how much better it makes you feel.

I complained in the last post about the manager at work that was talking terribly. The more I thought about it last night the more miserable it made me that I had to go back to work today and deal with it again.

After telling my parents about it they suggested talking to him about it.

I got to work a few minutes early. But nobody else was there and everything was still locked up. All my co-workers arrived and finally quarter after eight, Steve, the manager, came...he didn't know none of us had keys. Before he'd even gotten the door unlocked he said d*** it and another crude word. The realization that I had to say something was beginning to sink in.

I started cleaning up the mess I had made yesterday and he came over to talk to me about something, I forget what. I was dreading having to bring it up...my poor heart was palpitating. I let him finish and then I charged right in, "Steve, we're going to get something straight between you and I."

I doubt I'll ever see his face fall like it did again. And his arrogance changed into scared unsureness. He said dumbly after me, "we're going to get something straight between you and I?"

"Yes," I said, "Yesterday, the way you talked was awful and it really upset me. I didn't hear you say one sentence in which you did not take God's name in vain, or use some crude language. You can either change how you talk, or I'm going to leave. It was completely uncalled for and if you don't want to stop then I'm out of here."

He just stood there nodding the whole time not quite knowing what to do. Then he pulled himself together and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was offensive to you. It won't happen again."

I thanked him...and continued picking up the mess I'd made. A minute later he came back up to me and said, "but to be fair, you do want to be fair about this right?"

I nodded.

"Well, to be fair, you have to admit it is quite harsh of you to say, I mean it was an exaggeration to say that I talked that bad. I noticed yesterday that the way I talked bothered you and so I stopped."

I was flabbergasted. "I'm sorry Steve, but I was around you from morning until night and your language didn't change all day. What's your definition of bad language? Maybe yours is different then mine."

Then he told me to leave my mess alone and that he'd take care of it and that I was to go plant the begonia's. I knew he wasn't happy with me...

So I went and planted the begonia's all day and didn't hear him say one bad word. It was so refreshing.

He was fine to talk to after that when I had to. I didn't have a problem doing it. But he sure did act different towards me compared with yesterday. If he had any questions, which he didn't have a problem asking me yesterday, he went directly to Lanelle. Also, all yesterday he praised how I worked to no-end (which got really annoying) and today he didn't say one word...even when he walked by at the end of the day and was pleased with how much was accomplished he wouldn't say so.

Not that I cared...I was just so happy and relieved!

Honestly, I think he talks bad so much that he didn't realize how often he did it. I didn't feel triumphant over him for crushing his pride...I felt triumphant that I'd done the right thing.

Friday THE 13th

2009-03-13T19:45:00.004-05:00

I don't believe I've ever had such bad luck on a day that one is suppose too.

1. I woke up 20 minutes before I had to leave to work: I had to throw together my lunch, get ready, go out to the office...and grab a cup of coffee.
2. My vehicle was really difficult to drive and a mile down I realized I had a VERY flat tire....a slow trip back to the house...jump into a different vehicle...and arrive to work 10 minutes late.
3. I get out of the vehicle with my lunch box, water bottle, and cell phone right onto a huge ice patch and fall face forward slamming my knees and knocking the air out of myself. I picked myself up and determined to make it inside that door!
4. It would be my luck to have to work the one weekend that the manager from the Minneapolis greenhouse came. Ugh. He was horrible and I'm so thankful he's not my normal boss. I didn't hear him say one sentence which didn't take God's name in vain or swear or use some crude word. I almost went bonkers. And I had to work around him for a dreadful amount of hours!
5. Chuck, who helped me load a cart, stacked them so badly that three different times they some fell off and I spilled soil all over the floor.
6. (warning: may contain inappropriate content) during lunch hour, every one left to eat and run errands...I ate my lunch there and ran to my car to grab a pack of gum. While jumping out of the car, my cell phone, which was in my back pocket, caught on the door somehow...and tore my pants! I panicked for about 3 seconds and then remembered no one was around...I grabbed my sweat jacket and tied it around my waist. And guess what...No one even noticed!
7. When I punched out of work...my time card looked funny. Somehow the machine hadn't grabbed it right after I ate lunch and hadn't recorded the last 6 hours of work. So I wrote it in by hand and hope to goodness it comes out alright.

Undertaking Trouble...joyfully!

2009-03-11T18:10:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I just need to be reminded that it isn't bad:

"Every trouble is an opportunity to win the grace of strength. Whatever else trouble is in the world for, it is here for this good purpose: to develop strength. For a trouble is a moral and spiritual task. It is something which is hard to do. And it is in the spiritual world as in the physical, strength is increased by encounter with the difficult. A world without any trouble in it would be, to people of our kind, a place of spiritual enervation and moral laziness. Fortunately, every day is crowded with care. Every day to every one of us brings its questions, its worries, and its tasks, brings its sufficiency of trouble. Thus we get our daily spiritual exercise. Every day we are blessed with new opportunities for the development of strength of soul."

George Hodges

You don't believe me? Well wait 'til you hear this

2009-03-04T21:53:00.004-06:00

I think I win at having the funniest co-worker on the planet.

Terry makes my day. She's almost 50, is very robust, and is always ready to laugh. She's led a very hard life but she's absolutely crazy about anything funny. She's keeps everyone in a good humor all day long.

For Example: Yesterday the oldies station was on all day and randomly while the rest of us were silently planting she'd let out a holler along with the crazy singer from the 60's making all of us nearly jump out of our skin.

Then she came up with a great idea. She decided that randomly throughout songs she'd shout, "TT!" or "TS!" and it was signal that we should 'Tighten Tummy" or "Tighten Shoulders" because she thought we should all try to stay in shape while on the job.

Later in the day I said "Hey Terry, TM!" She looked at me in bewilderment as did Crystal, the other girl working there. I couldn't figure out their confusion...Terry was the one that came up with it to begin with. "What does TM mean?" They both asked, "Tighten Mouth?"

"Tighten Tummy!" I said....."ohhhh" *much laughter ensues*

Yeah. Yesterday I had a Charlie Brown day: everything I touched fell apart.

2009-02-25T17:29:00.001-06:00

I’m about to say something that is talked about all the time. But before you flee for fear of boredom....please read just a little further.

Do you know what Americans talk about ALL the time? Race. And yet, we still get accused of not wanting to talk about it as an “open” issue. We are constantly accused of being racist. Race is continually labeled as a problem in our country.

To be honest with you; I’m absolutely sick of this issue. We’ve had it fed to us in every possible form. I am not about to say it is not a problem…but I think the media triggers a great deal of how Americans view it as a problem.

Just for the record, I don’t have any problem talking or associating with people who have darker skin than I. However, living in rural North Dakota there just isn’t lots of dark skinned people here. We’re all Scandinavians.

I also realize that in America black people used to be segregated: in schools, stores, and many social activities. Not everyone in our country believed this was right, which is why these people fought and eventually won against the discrimination held against fellow humans solely because they happened to have more melanin in there skin. However in the last 50 years, things have changed.

What I’m wondering is: why is this even an issue?

Oh yes, we’ve advanced so much in our country. Communication has gone through the roof. Our economy has gone to pot. Our school system is crap. But our technology is beyond the wildest imagination of 50 years ago. Yes, we are an innovative and developed people.

And yet, we shake our heads perplexed as to why we struggle with what should be far behind us.

Do you know what I notice about myself? I notice that if I begin to think about this issue in the way the media discusses it, I fall into their trap. You look at the world just like they do: dividing everyone up by their skin colour. You notice black people. You think about them differently.

I believe that the people that scream about this issue are the very people who do have problems themselves with how they think about black people.

But white people are not the only ones who are racist. Oh no. But we are the only ones slammed for it. Haven’t you notice? Black people can be just as racist. Do you remember the mayor of New Orleans, Ray Nagin, saying, “It's time for us to rebuild a New Orleans, the one that should be a chocolate New Orleans. And I don't care what people are saying Uptown or wherever they are. This city will be chocolate at the end of the day.” If that isn’t a racist statement I don’t know what is. Yes, there was uproar afterwards and he took back his remarks. But, can you imagine what would have happened to a white person who said as much?

If our country has problems with race, it is because it is continually thrown at us.

I think the media needs to shut up about things they know nothing about. Maybe find out how real average Americans think about this. Instead of perpetually feeling sorry for black people…how about treating them like normal people. Taking people for who they really are and not judging them by their colour.

Please, stand up for yourself. Don’t believe everything the media feeds you. Use the backbone that, as an American, you’re credited with.

May I quote thee?

2009-02-22T18:20:00.000-06:00

"Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance."
- Plato (427-347 B.C.)

"Plato was a bore."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

"Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal."
- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)

"I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy."
- Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)

"Hemingway was a jerk."
- Harold Robbins

2009-02-20T22:10:00.003-06:00

Wonders never cease.

Well, let me rephrase that: Accidents never cease.

at least at this joint.

But for sure, with that, God's blessings and protection never cease. Or else, we'd have long ago perished.

When I review my day I realize what a great idea it was for God to give us a sense of humor.

And really, 'bad' circumstances lead to so many more reasons to thank God.

Like for the following:

For getting to Fargo to work safely on nasty roads.

How stupid one feels for almost slipping on the icy sidewalk 3 times right on the street.

The humor of being offered a job (when I wasn't looking for one) in this economic recession.

The hilarity of having three people think I worked at UPS while running several hundred copies there in single afternoon.

Hearing that my 11 year old brother cut his left hand badly with a chop saw...and was being rushed to the ER. And the blessedness of actually working right up near the hospital so I could visit as soon as I was off.

Elevators are amazing, ya know...I don't think I've ever appreciated them before. I have almost always opted for stairs, but today I didn't have much energy for stairs and they sure saved me a lot.

There was so many smiley nurses today. What a blessing. And the Romanian Nurse was the best of all! She had an amazing sense of dry snappy wit.

My dear brother was sick of everyone asking him his age, weight, & d.o.b....that he started to purposely say the wrong thing. "1000 lbs" and that it was his right arm and not his left that needed operating. He was a tough little cookie and I'm proud of him. And, he was trying to make candlesticks for mom to begin with so I imagine it will be some time before he gets to accomplish that feat!

God also blessed us by having our bishop be at the hospital about seven hours! It was so good of him.

How different of a day than I anticipated!

Like A Real American She Start's At The Bottom:

2009-02-19T11:32:00.002-06:00

Moments ago the three and five year old sisters are playing.

The three year old, Talitha, screams, "I'm da servant. I'm da servant. I'm da servant!"

Three seconds pass.

"I'm da mother. I'm da mother!"

Three seconds pass.

"I'm the Queen! I'm the Queen!"

Understanding 'bortion

2009-02-15T15:29:00.002-06:00

The other day I was looking at the front of a magazine featuring President Obama and his family. Esther, my five year old sister, suddenly appeared and demanded, "why hasn't he killed them?"

"What do you mean?!" I asked.

"Well, he likes 'bortion, why hasn't he killed his children yet?"

Out of the mouth of babes....

2009-02-13T20:52:00.005-06:00

Once upon a time a sensible girl thought up an entire blog post, went to bed, and promptly forgot every word.

Our Feathery Friends?

2009-02-07T09:46:00.005-06:00

The other day I was thinking about Angels. Probably because I'd seen a picture of a really cute one holding a harp. Anyway, it made me wonder why we Christians have dumbed down such a phenomenon?

If you think about it, the bible talks about Angels as incredible heavenly beings.

In all honesty, do you think God would place an angel like this to guard Eden:

God often used Angels in the bible as messengers. They passed on His orders...If you were Joseph you would totally flee to Egypt after seeing this adorable, blond, curly haired entity, right?

Why do we de-glorify something so awesome? It's as if we are mocking the real thing. As if we really don't believe that there are angels like the bible describes. I think Angels are spectacular, fierce, and awesomely powerful.

What's scarier still: if angels really look like fluffy things on clouds peacefully playing harps....I'm really hoping my guardian angel is the toughest one of the bunch.

2009-02-06T22:34:00.003-06:00

Yikes.

I haven't been on a blogger in forever.

I haven't written on a blog in months. Instead I've been doing other valuable things: like journaling.

I don't have a lot of time to write, but there have been many times of late when I really wished I did,-- because I miss getting various thoughts sorted out. Besides, writing is fun...when you get an inkling for it.